


Pairings

by Shadowhaven



Category: Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Lan Xichen protects LWJ, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nie Huaisang protects WWX, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Xiao Xingchen watches of WWX, lwj musician, wwx artist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 40,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26819446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowhaven/pseuds/Shadowhaven
Summary: An anonymous patron orchestrates Wei Ying's life to keep him safe while he explores the meaning of his disturbing dreams.  In the process of surviving, he moves to a new university where his life collides with his opposite in most ways, Lan Zhan.
Relationships: Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén/Niè Míngjué, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn
Comments: 98
Kudos: 199





	1. Friendship

It’s summer, he wants to be on a yacht in the Mediterranean island hopping, instead he is standing outside his brother’s office in their ancestral home in China. He doesn’t acknowledge that it’s nerves rattling his body and mind, he just takes a deep breath and knocks. Hearing his brother’s bark, he hesitantly opens the door and enters the space to find his brother and his boyfriend sharing a desk.

His brother does not look up until the silence stretches to a breaking point, “Yes?” Patience is not a virtue for which his brother is known.

Nie Huaisang is terrified of his older brother’s intensity, he prefers the fun loving vibe of his adventurous globe trotting friends. However, he is not here for himself, he is here for his best friend. As his fears and concern for his friend slam into him like a sledgehammer, he meets his brother’s stare with tear filled eyes. 

Now he has his brother’s full attention, “What the hell, Huaisang, what’s going on?” Nie Mingjue is a cut throat businessman, a boulder with jagged edges, a warrior. He has only two weaknesses, his boyfriend and soul mate, and his baby brother.

“Dage, I need your help.” Huaisang can only imagine the scenarios racing through his brother’s head, assuming his little brother has managed to land in hot water yet again. 

“What do you need?” There’s no question that Mingjue will provide it, what it ends up being.

“I don’t know, that’s the problem. I need your help to figure out how to save my friend.” As he is speaking, Huaisang is setting up his laptop and portable projector to reflect on an empty section of the wall.

The tension eases slightly from Mingjue’s face, “You have many friends brother.” 

That statement strikes Huaisang right in the heart, leaving a small tear only he can feel. Leveling his eyes with his brother’s, he confesses, “No, I don’t. I have many people I spend time with but only a few friends. It is my best friend that needs help.”

Lan Xichen’s is now focused on the exchange between brothers, anticipating his boyfriend’s frustration with processing the situation and deducing an answer. He interjects, “Huaisang, who is your best friend? I fear I’m out of the loop these days with the demands of the family company falling on my shoulders.”

Both Nie brothers take a deep breath, it’s easier for Huaisang to address Lan Xichen, the epitome of chill. “We met when I went to NYC as an exchange student five years ago at the International Classical Prep School. For the Americans it was their freshman year of high school, my closest friend became an artist with a wild spirit. To subdue the chaos in his life, I became an anonymous patron of his art using our Art Endowment Fund for artists of Chinese ancestry.”

Understanding starts to appear in Mingjue’s expression, “Are you still his patron? I thought after the school transition you arranged for him and your return home, that the relationship faded.”

Huaisang doesn’t take offense, he is very aware that the world views him as flighty and fickle, hopping from one luxury to another, people included. The one exception is his best friend, a truth he does not reveal to many. “Besides you, my best friend is the one constant fixture in my life. I have helped keep him alive from a distance for five years, until now. Now I face a dilemma I cannot resolve, a mystery I cannot navigate alone.”

Both men have moved to the couch nearest Huaisang, drawn to the situation. Mingjue nods towards his brother’s laptop, “How can we help?”

Fortified with a deep breath, Huaisang dives into the deep end of the turbulent waters his friend has been treading for months. “As his patron, I keep a visual record of his work, which is generated and overseen by another friend from that year abroad. Most of his high school years flow in and out of various artistic phases, reflecting his personal narrative. His art emerges directly from his emotions, it’s like a diary of his innermost secrets. Our “friend” texts indicate his disturbing dreams began when he started university last year. Our patron texts simply acknowledge that his work is entering a darker period. At first, I didn’t register anything as wrong, all artists have dark phases. But as the year flew by, the content of his work began to alarm me. Honestly, my mind exploded months ago trying to comprehend what is happening. I will show you a slideshow of his body of work starting from when I met him. By the end, you will see what I mean, keep in mind that although he is Chinese American, he has never been to China.”

Slowly, Huaisang moves from image to image, the mastery of the work and raw talent of his friend never failing to steal his breath. The most common medium takes center stage, pairings of a sculpture with a drawing or painting. His friend is drawn to the duality of this artistic expression, electing to make it his signature format. Huaisang does not look at his audience, just hearing their indrawn gasps and feeling the presence of their unspoken inquiries increases his already anxious state. Finally the show ends, and a heavy blanket of contemplation settles over the room.

“As a student living with his brother, he has managed to finish his first year at university. Most of his time is spent at the studio space the endowment provides for him in NYC, and our friend that helps me curate his art keeps a close eye on him when he spins out of orbit. Which he has been doing more often with the added burden of nightmares, sleep deprivation and learning to “adult”. Last month he was arrested along with several street artists for creating public graffiti, his adoptive mom responded by disowning him. As his patron, I can support his art without crushing his pride too much, but as a friend he won’t accept my help. He’s crashing on our friend’s couch at present, but if he’s left without a form of gravity I fear he will be lost on the streets of NYC. His siblings have been his anchor for years, now their mom is cutting those ties.” 

Mingjue and Xichen have been exchanging meaningful glances, Huaisang cannot read their minds. It’s always been this way with this fated pair, two sides of the same coin. They ask him to give them a moment to discuss the situation, sending him to retrieve tea and snacks. When he returns, they have a solution. Relief washes over Huaisang as he starts rapidly texting his friend in the guise of his patron.


	2. Goodbyes never go well...

Wei Ying’s first waking thought is that his pounding head just might break apart if he moves too quickly. Flashes of the night’s adventures appear behind his still closed eyelids, his last night in the city of his youth. The couch he has called home for the last six months is the cause of his aching back, but the true surprises are the new piercings stinging when he stretches. A hoop in one nipple matches a hoop in his navel, interesting. Groaning like the gremlin he is, he rolls into an unstable standing position, his mission the coffee he smells in the kitchen. A bandaid on his hand distracts him, searching his splotchy memories of last night. A quick peek reveals the purple outline of a lotus blossom, not bad, a tattoo and two piercings in one night. 

He never makes it to the coffee pot, since the best boy in the world enters the room and fetches him a cup. Wen Ning smiles fondly at Wei Ying’s disastrous self. “We need to be leaving soon, clean clothes are next to the shower.” 

Wei Ying has no idea where he would be without his friends, the Wens took him in over the summer and helped him survive the first semester of his sophomore year. He suspects he owes thanks to his Uncle Jiang for the extra semester of paid tuition and books, time for him to make arrangements. Thanks to a suggestion from his patron, he is on his way to an artist’s dream world at a private university in the mountains outside New York City. It still feels surreal that he is the recipient of a full scholarship after applying after on the deadline for spring admission. 

As he observes Wen Ning pass by carrying a large stack of boxes, no doubt to their rented car downstairs, guilt fuels his movement to the shower. Feeling somewhat more human, he emerges from the steamy bathroom to discover his siblings curled up on the couch. So much for holding himself together, stumbling towards them, he collapses across them drenching them in his tears. 

Jiang Cheng squeezes his leg tightly, “Keep your snot to yourself, asshole. It’s not like we won’t see you again.” His stiff face does nothing to hide the emotions overwhelming him.

On a softer note, Yanli runs soothing hands over his back and hair, “A-Xian, we will miss you terribly, but this is a wonderful opportunity. I know you will create beautiful art for us to see when we visit. You know how much we love you.”

Sniffing pathetically, Wei Ying spies matching bandaids on their hands. “Wait!? We all got tattoos last night? Matching????” When both his siblings pull back their bandages, Wei Ying wails once more, “That is so cool! Oh my god, Madame Yu is going to kill me, I’ve damaged her children permanently!”

Cheng growls while Yanli states in a firm tone, “It was my idea, our choice, we want you to remember you are not alone.” Her words leave all three of them needing tissues.

Wen Qing breezes in the front door just in time to deliver a box of tissue off the counter, before collapsing in an armchair nearby. “Ugh, I made it, remind me again why I want to be a doctor in the craziest city on Earth?”

Wei Ying needs no time to answer, “Because you’re a saint, you and your brother.”

As if summoned, Wen Ning appears in the doorway, the look on his face indicates it’s time to go. Heartfelt hugs and promises of daily texts follow Wei Ying and his friend out the door, out of the apartment he has called home, out of the city that shaped his youth, towards an unknown world much too far away from his loved ones.


	3. Transitions

Wei Ying dozes for the first few hours, trying to appease his broken body. He feels like an old man rather than his youthful twenty year old self. That thought reminds him of the hilarious Halloween birthday party the Wens hosted to cheer him up a few months ago, a fabulous night of madness and mayhem. As they get closer, Wen Ning starts to prepare him for their arrival. “You will have a few days to unpack and settle in before your classes start. The school cafe is part of your aid package, you can go as often as you like by just showing your student ID. The letter said you will have a private cottage studio to work and store your art, I’m sure you will sleep there more than your dorm room. Spring break I will bring the rest of your art from storage, your patron is making arrangements to shift your stuff to your new home.”

Wei Ying knows what he is not saying out loud, his stuff is not coming until April in case he implodes and destroys this new opportunity. He is very good at decimating all good in his life, especially recently. He negative mental jaunt is distracted by signs declaring their approach to New Gusu Art Academy, an extension of Gusu University in China and an American private liberal arts university. As Wen Ning follows the signs to Wei Ying’s dorm, they both take in the interesting division of architecture. One side of the winding lane is classic Grecian columns found on many of the founding campuses in America, while the other side of the lane consists of traditional Chinese structures. Walled structures, raised pavilions, vermilion wooden columns with yellow glazed roof tiles, all elegantly surrounded by landscaped gardens.

The rest of the afternoon is a blur, they visit his dorm room, but after discovering his picturesque studio in the trees they unload all his things there. They both know he will not be sleeping in his dorm, his nights are loud affairs these days. Wen Ning hangs a lanyard around Wei Ying’s neck, sporting his student ID and room keys. After a somber meal in the cafe, he bids farewell to his companion, before turning to face his new reality. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the good fortune of this unexpected development in his life, it’s just that he has never been so far from the people who support him. Who will hug him when the nightmares ravage his sleep? Who will wake him so he doesn’t miss his life? Who will laugh with him to keep him from crying when all his anxiety-riddled fears crash down on him without warning? Who will remind him to eat when he’s lost in a new piece? Most importantly, who will bring him coffee to drag his corpse out of bed? 

He has two days before classes begin, the smart thing to do would be to explore campus, find his classes and set up his studio. Unfortunately smart is not his current mode of operating, instead he burrows onto the couch in his studio until he becomes a blanket burrito. His phone is near and plugged in, so he spends the next forty eight hours attempting to sleep, texting his family and friends at all hours and jolting himself awake with his own screams. 

A blaring alarm sends him flying off the couch, slamming into a wall and bouncing back onto his ass, sprawled on the floor. It doesn’t stop until he video calls Nie Huaisang, moaning when his friend’s sunny smile greets him on the screen. “Are you trying to kill me, Huaisang?”

A light laugh rolls over Wei Ying’s foggy brain, “I’m trying to save you, so find a shower and change your clothes before your first class. I want photographic evidence of your success, Wen Ning said he put clean clothes for a week in your dorm room. Move it or lose it, my friend.”

It does not surprise Wei Ying that his frighteningly efficient flamboyant best friend managed to have hidden alarms installed in his studio. It’s nice to be loved. Stumbling out of the cottage, blinking at the brightness of the rising sun, Wei Ying eventually finds his dorm again, smiling at the shower basket and clean towels Wen Ning left for him. What did he ever do in his previous lives to deserve such great friends now? 

He showers, dresses and grabs breakfast without incident, his first fiasco doesn’t occur until he finds himself racing the clock to not be late to his first class. Since he never found his classes, he spends most of his time asking directions, only to pause outside his lecture hall to pose for the selfie he promised Huaisang. Of course, it’s while he is mid-photo that the most beautiful man he has ever seen walks past him, disappearing into the lecture hall with a single condescending glance his way.


	4. Alphabetical Annoyance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lan Zhan finds the alphabet annoying.

When Uncle Qiren informed Lan Zhan that he would be studying at their American campus for his undergraduate degree, he had mixed feelings. Cloud Recesses is a sanctuary for him, American students can be loud and invasive, and he has never been far from his brother. Oddly enough his family used these same arguments in reverse to support their decision to send him so far away for four years. They felt Lan Zhan needed to be exposed to the larger world, to develop coping mechanisms for different situations, and it is appropriate that one of the Lan heirs attend their American campus.

Thankfully his residence and studio are set apart from everything, situated on the far side of the mountain campus across from a similar structure intended for his brother’s use. His first year was an adjustment, he did not alter his mannerisms or habits, remaining isolated from his peers by choice. He did his best to learn from his new professors and to compose music that reflects academic growth to please his Uncle. 

The summer after his freshman year was spent back in China, absorbing the atmosphere of his ancestral home and spending time with his brother. The primary reason his brother did not study at the American campus is he did not want to live apart from his boyfriend, Nie Mingjue. They had found one another at Gusu Prep, the poster couple for “opposites attract”, they ruled the social scene. Their university years were spent as an old married couple and now they spend most of their time at the Nie estate. Lan Zhan is content with the expectation that he will oversee the Lan residence for his brother after he finishes his years of exile in America.

His sophomore year followed in the footprints of his freshman year, routine and meditation helped him get by. It’s harder after his second summer home to consider a third year away. The day he had to depart to return to campus for the fall semester, his heart wept silently. He hates being away from home, but now he had a mission from his Uncle Qiren. His new task is to evaluate the programs and procedures offered at the American campus. Each month he is expected to submit a report with strengths and weaknesses, along with suggestions for improvement. It is a large burden for a twenty year old, but Lan Zhan has been raised for such a life.

As he meditates before his first class of the new semester, he visualizes the icy water flowing down the mountains at home. Later, on his way to class, he affirms his previous conclusion that this revolving art appreciation class required by all students each semester is redundant. Each semester students are paired with a peer based on their alphabetical standing. They are expected to converse about a variety of topics each class, supposedly to expand their greater understanding of the artistic world. It should be sufficient to require first year students to participate, but in his opinion it should be optional after that. He stands to gain more growth from time spent in his area of study, music theory and history.

As always, he arrives at the lecture hall at the exact start time for the class. He does so intentionally to avoid unwelcome small talk and gossip with the other students. The ridiculous display of a student photographing himself outside the room disrupts his focus for a fraction of a second, he fails to immediately contain his aversion to such vanity. He quickly reasserts his mask of indifference and looks for his name card, knowing it will be placed by his new commentary partner. Taking his seat, which is sadly situated towards the back of the room, examination of the name card next to him indicates he is not familiar with the individual. As the arts program is extremely exclusive, it is odd that this is the case.

He sits a bit taller, as his spine stiffens, when the selfie student races into the room to slide into the desk next to him. The professor starts speaking just as his table mate lands in his seat, so Lan Zhan does not acknowledge his presence. He manages to almost put the fidgety figure out of his mind as he listens to the professor’s opening lecture. Professor Xiao appears to be a competent instructor, perhaps this class will not be unbearable this semester. That thought is banished as soon as his new partner starts speaking, Lan Zhan doubts time spent with Wei Ying can be anything but chaotic. It takes the full force of his self control to focus on what this ball of energy is saying.

Wei Wuxian actually appears to notice that he was not listening, so he starts over with his manic introduction. “Hey! So, I’m Wei Wuxian but you can call me Wei Ying since it looks like we will be best friends, in this class at least. I’m an artist from New York City, just moved in a few days ago, a sophomore. Sorry about that silly selfie thing, my friend wanted evidence that I made it to class looking less like the gremlin I am.” He finishes off with a smile brighter than the sun on a spring day. 

For a moment Lan Zhan forgets a reply is expected, he continues with an icy terse tone. “I am Lan Wanji, a junior, music major.” The fact that his new partner is stunningly attractive is not important, it merely adds to his potential to distract. Lan Zhan does not appreciate being distracted.

Apparently oblivious to his partner’s disdain, Wei Ying continues, “Awesome, what instruments do you play? Favorite? Do you compose? I play the flute, mostly just for fun.”

“Many, the guqin, yes.” Lan Zhan sees no need to elaborate, it is clear they are from different worlds, it’s best to set clear boundaries for their interactions in this class. 

Before Wei Ying can prolong the stilted conversation, the professor directs them to exchange contact information before the class ends. Reluctantly Lan Zhan offers his number to Wei Ying, who immediately puts it in his phone and sends Lan Zhan a text filled with senseless emojis. 

Out of tolerance, Lan Zhan merely nods and gathers his things to exit and restore order to his world. He is spared being followed by Wei Ying when the professor asks the new student to stay behind.


	5. Professor Xiao

“Wei Wuxian, welcome to New Gusu. I would like to be your faculty mentor, if you have no objections. I know major changes in the middle of a school year can be daunting, I’m happy to help.” Professor Xiao smiles warmly as he makes his offer.

Wei Ying’s scrambled sleep deprived brain latches on to the word mentor, “Is that a thing here, faculty mentors?”

Professor Xiao chuckles, “Yes, that’s a thing here. Your faculty mentor will guide your time here until you graduate, especially with organizing your senior show.” What he doesn’t say is that his old friend Lan Xichen asked him to personally take Wei Wuxian under his wing.

Wei Ying is unusually cautious, a bit paranoid in his present state, so he clarifies a few things before agreeing. “As my mentor you give me advice but I still make all my own final decisions? I don’t deal well with restrictions, like someone telling me when and what to paint or how to show my work.”

The professor seemed to take personal pleasure in his declaration, “Correct, I will only ever offer advice, the exception being threats of imminent danger, but that’s part of my teaching post not as a mentor. I understand some people struggle with restrictions, my husband has a very complicated relationship with them.”

“Husband? Very interesting. I’m bisexual, it’s nice to know a place this fancy isn’t stuck in archaic thought patterns. I accept, thank you for offering to be my mentor. What do I have to do?” Wei Ying’s stress dissipates, leaving behind only his brilliant smile framed by lines of exhaustion.

“Just reply to my random inquiries checking up on you, nothing specific. Are you comfortable exchanging contact information?” Professor Xiao doesn’t mind this favor at all, Wei Wuxian is a pleasant young man.

“That’s never an issue! Just don’t judge my time stamps, time is just a social construct as far as my brain is concerned. And please, call me Wei Ying.” After creating contacts, they make their way out of the building, finding themselves sharing a snack at the cafeteria before parting ways. It’s a relief to know at least one cool person is sharing his space at this new university. Though, his new class partner is absolutely fascinating!

Wei Ying’s class isn’t for a few hours, so he finds his way back to his studio in hope of snagging a few hours rest. Unfortunately his eyes refuse to stay shut, so he attacks his most recent project. Getting lost in his work has always kept the madness at bay, a humorous twist as he knows some view his work as madness. Maybe his life is a case of “if you can’t beat them, join them.” Rather than run from his nightmares, he threads them into the tapestry of his creation. 

If he flings his brush, spattering black paint across his studio, the blame falls entirely on Huasisang. The blaring siren alarm might be the death of him. Noting the time, he sighs wearily, with no regard to his now paint stained clothes he grabs his bag and sets off to find his afternoon class.


	6. Unexpected Blessings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wei Ying learns about his classes.

Wei Ying has a total of five classes, which under normal circumstances would not be a challenge. But he is not functioning within normal circumstances. So he is extremely thankful that the universe appears to be in a kind mood towards him at the moment.

His Dramatic Arts professor gave them a syllabus, stating that the digital units can be completed on their own time without class attendance. Their final assessment will be an artistic contribution to the spring play, which he is directing. A project sheet circulates the room, Wei Ying claims the backdrop images as his own since it’s an individual option. He isn’t in the right headspace for group projects. The amazing end result is he only has his art appreciation class on Mon, Wed, and Fri. now, he intends to complete the Dramatic Arts units in one sitting. He can knock out the backdrops in a few days. 

That only leaves his Tues. / Thur. schedule class heavy, which turns out quite manageable. He’s starting to think the art department at New Gusu understands that artists need flexible schedules to create. For his Public Art class, the first of the day, he is assigned a mural space on campus to complete by the end of the semester. Class times are for voluntary consultation, his mural will be his class grade. 

Next, he locates the library for his Art History course, which is held in one of the basement rooms. The class is research based, so he will be haunting the library doing an in depth subject study during this time. He has until the next class to identify an area of history he wishes to focus on.

His last class of the day is his Independent Study class, for which he intends to complete a pairing containing a charcoal sketch with a bronze sculpture. He is meeting Professor Song, the faculty member assigned to oversee his work, at the cafeteria to discuss his ideas. It’s late afternoon by the time he arrives for the meeting, his stomach’s loud complaints reminding him he hasn’t eaten since he snacked here yesterday with Professor Xiao. Filling his tray with all sorts of food, he lands at a table in the back corner to watch for his appointment.

He is mid slurp with his face lost in a bowl of spicy noodles when he realizes he is being watched. Wiping his face, he greets his audience of one, “Professor Song?”

Rather than answer, the strangely intense man takes a seat and merely nods. Wei Ying takes that as permission to finish eating, so he does. Only then does his companion speak, “What is your proposal for an independent project?”

“A charcoal sketch paired with a bronze sculpture, my work is in a dark place at present, I’m drawn to the metal component.” Wei Ying bites his cheek to keep from telling him that he doesn’t let anyone see his work until it’s finished. As a student he knows there’s a limit to what he can demand.

Apparently Professor Song is a mind reader, because he responds to Wei Ying’s unspoken words. “I don’t have time to hover, we will meet every other week for an update, this time and place works. Email me if you need materials, meet your deadline. Any questions?”

For a moment Wei Ying is silent, his muddled brain is slowly concluding that he only has to attend two of his classes. He might actually not wreck this first semester, regardless of his present path of personal self-destruction. The thought fuels a blinding smile that radiates his joy, causing his professor to stand back, as if the energy might burn him. Wei Ying is oblivious, of course, “Nope, that sounds perfect. Thanks!”

Professor Song gives him an odd look before walking away without further comment. Wei Ying returns to the cafe to do a little foraging before returning to his studio to enlighten Huaisang to his new schedule, avoiding unneeded alarms. Just as he is piling junk food into his backpack, a chilly voice claims his attention.

“What are you doing?” Lan Zhan is staring at Wei Ying, and the items falling out of his bag and pockets.

The radiance of Wei Ying’s brilliant smile sends Lan Zhan back a step. Wei Ying’s joyful hope that he might survive this semester is still flowing as he replies, “My beautiful partner, I’m grocery shopping, of course.”

The teasing sets off Lan Zhan’s defenses, a layer of ice falls over his entire aura, “That is not the intended use of the cafeteria, your selections are not balanced.” He sends a disparaging look towards the ramen packets, mini cereal boxes and chips.

Wei Ying just chuckles, “And yet they are here for the offering, key components for any student’s survival. See you in the morning, bestie!” With that, Wei Ying bounces off to stash his bounty.


	7. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lan Zhan and Wei Ying discuss art.

The next morning, Lan Zhan watches as Wei Ying drags himself into class at the last second, basically falling into his seat. On closer inspection, Lan Zhan takes in the paint splattered jeans and wrinkled hoodie, mismatched socks with worn out converse, and lopsided ponytail. Although it is winter, there is no appropriate jacket, scarf, gloves or shoes, not that he is shocked. 

Wei Ying’s head remains resting on his folded arms with his eyes closed until a soft thud next to him causes him to stir, his nose crinkles at the heavenly scent floating by him. Cracking one eye, he spies the coffee cup, tilting his head, he realizes Professor Xiao is walking away back towards the podium. Pushing his body into a sitting position, he whispers loudly which isn’t a whisper at all, “You’re the best mentor ever!”

Lan Zhan witnesses the exchange without reaction, turning his attention back to his notes. Professor Xiao introduces their first highlighted artist, Shen Zhou, a Chinese painter from the Ming dynasty around 1500. Lan Zhan is pleased with the selection, he is fond of the artist’s landscapes. Anticipating the direction to discuss with his partner, he reluctantly turns towards Wei Ying, only to be halted by the professor’s instructions to find a quiet place outside the classroom to share what they know, discover new information and select a favorite work.

Wei Ying immediately offers his studio, happy to return to his pile of blankets. Without waiting for a response from Lan Zhan, he starts shuffling his way towards home. Lan Zhan follows rather than delaying the task, averting his eyes from the lanky figure in front of him. As they enter the studio, two things strike Lan Zhan immediately: first, Wei Ying is living here and second, it looks as if a bomb exploded inside the small space. He sits in the chair Wei Ying uncovers for him, staring at his open laptop while his host gets settled in what appears to be a nest built of blankets.

With a sigh, Wei Ying starts the dialogue, “So, I admire Shen Zhou, he was an intelligent rebel, waiting until his dad died to renounce a life of official service by way of filial piety, caring for his widowed mom. He found a loophole so he could live a reclusive life free of responsibility, just doing his art and thinking a lot. That sounds like heaven to me, of course it only worked because he had money.” 

Lan Zhan hides his surprise at Wei Ying’s observation, adding his own thoughts, “I find his landscapes inspire positive energy, his wealth allowed him to create independent of a patron, thus his choices were not restricted.”

Wei Ying laughs ruefully, “Thankfully my patron has never asserted restrictions on my work, just my lifestyle.”

“You operate under a patron? Isn’t that an unusual situation for a student?” Lan Zhan’s curiosity triumphs over his desire to be done quickly.

“Ever since my freshman year, they’re anonymous, but totally a fairy godfather thing. We text, I work and they pay to keep me working so I don’t wreck my hot mess trainwreck self.” Wei Ying’s smile is shameless, he figures it’s obvious he’s a total disaster.

Lan Zhan considers it prudent to not ask about what sort of messes Wei Ying attracts, so instead he asks, “Why do you not live in your dorm room?”

Averting his eyes, Wei Ying mumbles, “Oh, I’m up all night, way too loud for living so close to people.”

“Then you should sleep, your body needs rest to function properly.” Lan Zhan cannot resist advising this lost boy.

This time his laugh is edged with bitterness, “You’re preaching to the choir, Lan Zhan. I miss sleep more than you will ever know, but sometimes life doesn’t ask for our opinion before slapping us upside the head and kicking us while we’re down.”

Not sure how to address this declaration, Lan Zhan steers the conversation safely back to the focus artist. In the end they select his Lofty Mt. scroll as the piece they prefer. Lan Zhan excuses himself without fuss and returns to the comfort of his own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The artwork discussed - Shen Zhou / Lofty Mt. scroll / 1500   
> I have no background in art, so please be kind, I merely select works I think they can relate to.


	8. Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wei Ying tries to get by.

The background set he is painting for the play is broken into smaller pieces, making it possible for Wei Ying to work on them at his studio. The professor has asked for Chinese landscapes with specific geographic features. For his mural, the only criteria he is given for subject matter is that it be pleasing for those viewing it daily. His assigned space is a large triangle of blank wall space under a set of stairs in the music building lobby. It is possible to drape sheets down from the stairs and over the glass wall next to the wall to create privacy for his work. 

After meeting with Lan Zhan Wednesday morning to discuss the artist, Wei Ying focuses on completing his Dramatic Arts digital units for the semester while he is still lucid. He finishes in the early hours of Thursday morning, around three AM, ravaged by lack of sleep. He falls onto the couch, burying himself in blankets, ever hopeful he might steal just a few hours of rest from the darkness that haunts him. Sadly, he wakes screaming less than an hour later, the sensation of being suffocated by an oppressive presence. His body still shakes with the shock of waking, transitioning into sobs torn from the depth of his soul. This is his new normal, a never ending cycle of real life and hell nights, with no solution in sight.

Splashing cold water on his face, he once more turns to his art for solace. Slashes of charcoal on the canvas begin to form the impression of darkness consuming a long figure. The accompanying sculpture will be a figure split in half by a dark cloud, it is intended to be a disturbing pairing. A mirror of the artist’s current world.

Although most of his nightmares involve horrific pain, sensations and emotional trauma, there are sources of light. Specific landscapes that are recurring, places he seeks out to hide and heal while trapped in his dreamscape. Wei Ying decides to use these places as his visual for the play set as well as his mural. By the end of the day Thursday he has completed half of the set panels, encouraged that he will have one less class to worry about. 

A call from Huaisang Thursday evening sends him scurrying to the dorm to shower and locate clean clothes, he uses the last of the items left by Wen Ning. Staggering back to his studio, wet hair hanging down his back becoming icy, it occurs to him that he is not prepared for the winter weather. Having promised his friend he would eat something, he grabs Hot Cheetos and an energy drink, settling on his couch to text his family and friends. A-Cheng moans about how his mother lost her shit when she discovered he and Yanli’s lotus tattoos, but assures Wei Ying that neither of them regret the shared artwork. Yanli worries about his lack of sleep and proper diet, he promises to try and do better, knowing they are empty words. Wen Ning inquires about his art and classes, while Wen Qing just demands he hold his shit together until they can make it up to visit. 

On a roll, Wei Ying impulsively texts Lan Zhan, the one bright light on his horizon is their class in the morning. 

Wei Ying: LAN ZHAN!!!!!!!!! see u soon!!!!!!!! sweeeeet dreammmmmms beautiful!!!!! 

Usually Wei Ying would waste no time making a million new friends, but he does not have the time or energy to make the effort. This makes Lan Zhan his primary focus when he wants to reach out to another human, and who can blame him when his partner is so delicious. Wei Ying dozes off with a smile on his face thinking of the perfection of his new friend. Miraculously he sleeps peacefully for two whole hours before hell reinstates dominion over his night. On a bright note, he finished the play sets and his charcoal sketch, on the darker side his last clean clothes are streaked with charcoal and he’s pretty much the living dead at this point. 

Grabbing another energy drink, Wei Ying doesn’t even flinch when his morning siren alarm goes off. He video calls Huaisang as he does his dead man’s shuffle across campus to class, not even attempting to pretend, “Mornin’ from the grave.”

Huasang’s expression is dubious, “Wei Ying, your humor is not appreciated given your present challenges.”

A brittle laugh colors his reply, “No humor here, old friend, I’m fading fast, a mere shadow of my former self. My only motivation for class this morning is I don’t want Lan Zhan to miss me.”

“What time did you wake up last night?” Huaisang tries to keep his inquiry casual.

“As if you don’t know, do you really think I believe your alarm system isn’t equipped with video. I hope you enjoy the show, after I’m gone and my art becomes famous, you can make major money off the footage.” Wei Ying offers his friend a smirk before finishing, “8 AM here, means you’re just getting ready to go out for the night, huh? Have a drink in memory of me, I’m at class now.” He ends the call without further thought.

Lan Zhan is taking his seat as Wei Ying drags his body up to his own chair, he lifelessly murmurs, “Morning beautiful.” Eyes already closed, he doesn’t notice Lan Zhan’s ears turn pink.


	9. An Attractive Walking Disaster

Lan Zhan turns away for a moment in shame before analyzing Wei Ying, disbelieving that he can find such a walking disaster attractive. It appears his partner is suffering the negative effects of unhealthy life choices, clinging to his energy drink with desperation. It’s impossible not to observe the purple bruises under his eyes and his paleness. Once more his attire is covered in whatever medium he is using for his art, the red hoodie sporting black slashes. Annoyingly he is unsuccessfully curling into a ball in his seat, seeking warmth no doubt as he again lacks the appropriate clothing. 

Unwilling to be further distracted by his partner’s pathetic state, he retrieves his own pale blue cardigan from his bag and drapes it over Wei Ying without comment. Out of the corner of his eye he watches Wei Ying burrow into the fluffy warmth, a soft purring sound escaping him at the same time. As Professor Xiao begins debriefing the class regarding their Wednesday commentary, Lan Zhan refuses to acknowledge that Wei Ying is snoring quietly beside him. There is no gain in waking him while he obviously cannot contribute sufficient intelligence, better for him to be still for once.

Class is coming to an end when Wei Ying stirs, lifting his hooded eyes just in time to hear the next focus artist announced, Durer- a German artist from around 1500. Their homework is to research him for discussion on Monday, at a location of their own choosing for a class debrief on Wednesday. Lan Zhan packs his things before addressing Wei Ying, who has not budged from his sleeping pose. “We will meet at the coffee shop Monday for our discussion. Perhaps you will take care of yourself this weekend.” He leaves without asking for his cardigan, if the idea of Wei Ying taking comfort from his possession pleases him, no one need know.

Professor Xiao waits for Wei Ying at the door, “You need food, I will join you in the cafe.” Wei Ying follows with only a nod, wrapping the cardigan around his body, pulling his hands into the long sleeves to trap the warmth. The sandalwood scent is relaxing, he has no intention of returning this fluffy blue slice of heaven. It’s magic properties lulled him to sleep in class, he plans on testing them for his afternoon nap. 

Wei Ying’s steps get slower as they walk to the cafe, forcing the professor to take painfully small steps. Once they arrive, he leaves the zombie boy at a table while he collects an assortment of meals to force feed him. “Wake up Wei Ying, eat before you disappear back into your studio. Tell me about your first week of classes.”

Propping himself up with one arm, Wei Ying picks at the offerings while he mumbles, “Productive, Dramatic Arts class done, play sets are in my studio. Mural designed, half of independent study finished, not sure about a research topic.” At one point he looks to be sleeping with his eyes open while putting food in his mouth. 

“So, working yes, sleeping no.” Professor Xiao’s summary holds no sting. “What did you think of my husband?”

One eye cracks open wider to stare questioningly at Professor Xiao, “Who?”

“Professor Song, your independent study faculty member? Let me guess, he said very little, including introducing himself correctly.” The professor’s smile is warm thinking of his partner.

“Never would have guessed, he’s like the night to your day, huh. Whatever works for you guys.” The food is fueling a moment of clarity for Wei Ying, enabling him to generate a complete sentence.

The professor perks up at his response, “Exactly, we balance each other. I must go, I have class, but Wei Ying please know you can call on me at any time of day if you have need.”

Wei Ying’s expression borders on sad, “If it’s something you can help with I will.” 

Back in his studio, still ensconced in Lan Zhan’s cardigan, Wei Ying takes advantage of his food high to complete his research on Durer, not wanting to disappoint his partner. The wood carvings are impressive but Wei Ying is drawn to a detailed watercolor of a wild hare from 1502. He sends a photo of the work to Lan Zhan, with a row of bunny emojis and hearts, along with a note about the aspects he likes. 

Wei Ying: Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan!!! Lan Zhannnnnn!!!!!!!!! 1502 just for u :-) Wild Hare - watercolor - look at the details on the fur!!!!!! amazing! enjoy your weekend beautiful!

Lan Zhan: Lovely, thank you. Take care of yourself.

Wei Ying might actually squeal when he reads Lan Zhan’s message, maybe there is hope with the magic of the cardigan! Maybe his partner can help him select a research topic, he will ask him Monday at the coffee shop. With a smile, he curls up and drifts off for an hour-long nap before he’s jolted awake by the ringing of his phone. Fumbling with the nest of blankets, he finally locates it, “Mmmmmff, yea?”

Wen Ning’s soft voice reaches out, “Tell me you’re sleeping.”

Wei Ying mutters nonsense, “Nap magic blue sandalwood...hi.” 

“We did agree on no alcohol or drugs, right? Wen Ning only sounds slightly concerned, it is Wei Ying speaking.

“Yep, just beautiful cardigan power, if you get a call from the police, I might be planning on breaking and entering when the sandalwood fades.” The hilarious thing is Wei Ying sounds very confident in his reasoning.

“Consider me informed. Change of plans, we are bringing your things in a few weeks, spring break is no longer possible. Make sure you have space. What do you need?” Wen Ning’s soft voice is comforting.

“It’s cold. Clean clothes. Hugs. Soup. Sleep.” Wei Ying shares his needs like a grocery list.

“Got it, three out of four is not bad. Hang in there, we will bring the hugs with your art. We miss you. All of us.” The call ends indicating Wen Ning is gone.

Wei Ying sends Professor Xiao a text about space for his artwork arriving early before the thought vacates his mind. Then he finds himself reaching for his sketchbook to capture his memories of Lan Zhan from their first week together. Somehow Durer’s wild hare morphs into a pile of bunnies around the page, with a few peeking out of the pocket of his magic blue cardigan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork- Durer / Wild Hare / Watercolor / 1502


	10. Manic Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaos finds Wei Ying, forcing Lan Zhan along for the ride.

If anyone had taken a survey of Wei Ying’s family and friends to determine how long they believed he would make it alone in his new setting without chaos, the range might range from a few weeks to over a month. The winning answer would have been one week.

After his blissful nap Friday, he started sketching around one in the afternoon, stopping only to snack. Attempts to sleep faded to nightmares quicker than ever, forcing him to stay awake to feel safe. He attacked his sculpture with a frightening intensity, taking perverse pleasure in splitting the figure’s head in half. This will be the most autobiographical piece of his short life, perhaps the last one if the tides of terror don’t turn soon. 

After the sculpture, he lines up blank canvases for a series work portraying the same figure falling, bleeding, burning and finally fading into the shadows. He can see the paired sculpture as he smears the paint across the white void, another bronze of the figure in the midst of flames. 

Already sleep deprived, a few naps only stretch so far, he crosses over the threshold of manic. He works without stopping through Friday night, all day Saturday, Saturday night, all day Sunday before passing out around three in the morning from a cocktail of exhaustion, dehydration and hunger. Trapped in the darkness, his body burns, black tendrils of smoke sear his flesh as they race through him. His screams are louder than ever before, his panic sends him shooting off the couch, tripping, falling and knocking his head on the sharp corner of a table. Jarred wide awake by pain, a need to escape, to breath fresh air drives him outside. 

A bright full moon hangs high in the sky, providing enough light for him to climb the tree next to his building to access the tiled roof. Pure adrenaline pushes him higher, collapsing on the highest point, tears and blood wash his face under the moonlight. A random wish for his phone is chased violently away by the fact that it is no doubt lying dead on the couch inside. Silent for days, his internal cries for help are powerless to assist him. 

It’s too much, he’s too tired, too lost, what even is the purpose in fighting? He’s alone, a pain for those who care for him, a problem to solve. He closes his eyes and just lets go, wiping once to prevent the blood from his head wound from entering his eyes, blending his blood with the paint on his sleeves. Somehow it feels poetic that the paint that bleeds his emotions onto the canvas should merge with the blood that keeps him alive.

While he floats in and out of awareness, lost in the beauty of the moon and numb from the freezing cold, calls for help are flying around the globe.

The first is from Nie Huaisang to Lan Xichen, his frantic plea born from reviewing the security footage within Wei Ying’s studio. His fear for his friend’s safety exploding in his heart, the last images of a bloody shadow leaving the studio. Lan Xichen calls Professor Xiao first, instigating the man’s flight towards the side of campus that houses the student studios. 

Lan Xichen’s next call is to his brother, waking him a half hour early at four thirty in the morning. He immediately calms him with the assurance that all is well at home, before explaining the purpose of his call. “Lan Wanji, I need a large favor from you, as the Lan family representative there is a student that requires additional support.”

“Of course, why call this early?” Lan Wangji’s tone does not betray the nerves skittering along his skin.

“Something has happened, can you please go to Wei Wuxian’s studio immediately to check on him?” Lan Xichen cannot understand the dread his request implants in Lan Zhan’s chest.

Lan Zhan is dressed and out the door before he ends the call, racing along the wooded path that will bring him back to the main campus. He cannot fathom what trouble Wei Ying has found himself in that flew across the world to reach his brother at this hour. He reaches the studio to find professor Xiao exiting his car, both of them rush inside, turning on the overhead lights. 

Professor Xiao locates the dead phone on the couch, along with the evidence of blood on the glass table. As Lan Zhan’s eyes methodically scan the room for clues, his gaze is captured by the images on the still wet canvases. It hurts to view the torture the figure suffers in each image, lost in swirls of blood red and black mist, no sign of hope. He turns away when Professor Xiao remarks on blood drops by the door.

Moving outside, the campus security officer arrives to join them, informing them, “We had a student call saying they heard screams from this area, we have been checking each studio.” They begin to search the area around the studio, when Lan Zhan hears the professor call out for Wei Ying. 

Repressing his own concern, Lan Zhan listens carefully for any reply to the calls. It is only by chance that the soft moan travels from the roof to his ear, sending him to the only clear access point to start climbing. The vice around his chest loosens when he spots Wei Ying at the highest peak. Cautiously he makes his way closer, careful not to speak in case he startles Wei Ying, who the moonlight reveals is precariously balanced. 

Sitting down next to Wei Ying, he grasps both his wrists to pull him into a sitting position, quietly speaking. “Wake up, Wei Ying. Tell me where you are hurt.” The dried blood over his eye is obvious, but the art screams that the broken boy before him hides untold horrors.

The movement stirs Wei Ying, his voice almost lost on the breeze, “ ‘ello beautiful. Pretty bunny, magic sandalwood, where is blue heaven?”

Well, that definitely did not help Lan Zhan, worried by Wei Ying’s pallor and his flesh icy to the touch, he calls the professor to inquire about the status of the medial crew. The next hour is a blur as Wei Ying is taken to the university’s private clinic for evaluation, Lan Zhan staying by his side per his brother’s request and his own preference. 

The doctor’s report is simple, a few stitches for the gash over his eye, an IV for fluids, and a sedative for sleep. By the time Lan Zhan steps outside, the sun is rising, he calls his brother. “He is stable medically, but I worry about the state of his mind.”

Lan Xichen outlines the plan, reluctantly Lan Zhan agrees it is the best course of action, even though it will violate his own stability.


	11. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lan Xichen gives Lan Zhan a gift, his very own gremlin.

In theory, the concept is a sensible rational solution to issues Wei Ying must overcome. Wei Ying is a student in need, while Lan Zhan is the university representative able to assist. In reality, the concept could become everything Lan Zhan spends his life avoiding if he doesn’t exert control from the beginning. 

Facing Lan Zhan’s cottage style studio is a vacant replica intended for his brother, also equipped with a bedroom, living space, full kitchen and separate studio space. Completing the other end of the courtyard is an empty structure that serves whatever purpose is needed, such as storage or hosting small gatherings. Professor Xiao has conveyed Wei Ying’s impending need for storage to Lan Xichen; the solution is obvious.

While the clinic’s sedatives hold Wei Ying captive in a state of forced rest, Lan Zhan and Professor Xiao pack his studio and personal belongings. Lan Zhan cannot escape the sensation of guilt, touching another person’s things without their consent is an uncomfortable experience. Anticipating this is only the first of many situations which might test the boundaries he has established for order and control in his life, Lan Zhan compartmentalizes his thoughts and approaches the task in an impersonal manner. Piling clothes that need washing, boxing books and art supplies strewn across the studio, packing odds and ends to sort in the new living space. Discarding food items that offer no nutritional value, packing what little is left, as if he is organizing the life of a younger person in his care. 

He leaves the artwork for Professor Xiao to move, the subject matter disturbs Lan Zhan. The professor works on setting up the studio space in Wei Ying’s new home, while Lan Zhan deals with the necessities of daily living. The kitchen is stocked with healthy options, clean clothes are put away, and bath items are transferred from the dorm room. He even prepares the desk for academic endeavors knowing Wei Ying will no doubt end up on the couch in a pile of blankets. Finally, Lan Zhan packs a bag with a change of clothes to transfer Wei Ying from the clinic to his new home. He intentionally leaves his phone behind, charging.

The first thing Lan Zhan decides is that under the circumstance, it’s best not to present Wei Ying with too many choices, obviously he is not able to select the correct options. This allows Lan Zhan to mentally build walls around the new living arrangement, boundaries that will keep the chaos of Wei Ying contained. Surely it cannot be that difficult to manage the life of one person, with the aid of meditation and reflection, this task is not larger than Lan Zhan.

This thought is driven from his mind when he is greeted by Wei Ying’s screams as he enters the clinic. A nurse is beside his bed, trying to hold him down so he doesn’t rip out the IV or harm himself further. Lan Zhan silently moves into her place, his hands firmly gripping Wei Ying’s arm and shoulder so she can remove the attachments to free the patient. He waits for her to depart before speaking to Wei Ying.

Shaking him awake, Lan Zhan keeps his voice assertive, “Enough Wei Ying, open your eyes and calm down.” At first Wei Ying fights the invisible hands restricting him, lost in the fires of his nightmare. It’s clear the moment Lan Zhan’s voice penetrates that darkness because Wei Ying’s body deflates back onto the bed, the breath exiting his body in a massive exhale. Lan Zhan continues, “Take slow deep breaths, Wei Ying, center yourself and open your eyes.” 

Lan Zhan notes that the shadows under Wei Ying’s eyes have begun to fade, the day of rest a start down the right path. Though, he wonders how a sedated sleep ended with screaming? The nurse returns to explain the sedatives had been stopped earlier so the patient could begin to wake for his scheduled discharge time. Aware that Lan Zhan is to be his caretaker, he rejects her offer of medication to assist with Wei Ying’s sleep. There is no need to replace one issue with another, a dependence on chemicals is not the direction he intends to take Wei Ying. If his struggles continue, then they will seek the opinion of an expert who can prescribe a treatment plan.

A moan attracts his attention, turning he finds himself staring into Wei Ying’s bright and alert grey eyes. “Are you real, beautiful? Or am I finally enjoying a dream instead of a nightmare?” His words are soft with sleep, a contrast to the adrenaline fueling the clarity in his eyes.

“I am very real, Wei Ying, as is the wound on your head. We found you frozen, bloody and incoherent on your roof at four in the morning. You have spent most of the day in a sedated sleep, now it is time to go. Can you stand to dress or do you need assistance?” Lan Zhan utilizes his best no-nonsense tone.

Wei Ying’s only reaction is a widening of his eyes to match his startled expression, before it is replaced by one of defeat. “I will try.” Pushing himself up into a standing position, he quickly plops back down on the edge of bed. A few deep breaths and he’s wobbly, but back on his feet, aiming for the door he assumes is the restroom. He accepts the stack of clothes from Lan Zhan and shuffles away, closing the door softly behind him.

Lan Zhan’s anxiety increases with each minute that passes in silence, until he finally knocks, “Wei Ying, are you well?”

A whisper of a voice responds, “You can open the door, Lan Zhan. I’m too dizzy to stand, pathetic I know.”

Lan Zhan finds Wei Ying leaning against the counter, a bitter grimace on his face. Without exchanging words, Lan Zhan puts his arm around his waist to help him out to the waiting wheelchair required for discharge. He gathers Wei Ying’s things, zips the bag and pushes Wei Ying out of the room.

“I hate hospitals,” Wei Ying shares to no one in particular, “Do you like my new look, Lan Zhan? I’m sure blood encrusted hair paired with stitched bruised flesh will soon be all the rage.” 

“If you do not like what the mirror reflects, then take steps to change the image.” Solid advice is all Lan Zhan knows to offer.

“Not just beautiful, but brilliant as well, be still my beating heart!” Wei Ying struggles to keep his tone light, “Lan Zhan, do you really believe this is the choice I have made for myself?”

“Honestly, Wei Ying, I do not know you well enough to answer that question.” Lan Zhan continues pushing the wheelchair towards the building’s front exit. 

Perking up enough to realize what’s happening, Wei Ying’s teasing nature reasserts itself, “Lan Zhan, is this a kidnapping so you can have your wicked way with me?” His jaunty smile slips a bit with his next question, “Or are you my personal escort off school grounds, the messenger of my dismissal?”

“Wei Ying is still a student here, I am taking you to your new residence.” Professor Xiao is waiting for them with his car, Wei Ying remains silent as he is helped into the back seat, clearly unsure what to say, and perhaps still a bit dizzy.

Lan Zhan addresses the professor when the car comes to a stop, “We can manage from here, thank you for the ride. We will see you in class Wednesday morning.” He wishes to restrict the size of Wei Ying’s audience, no matter how obnoxious he can be, he deserves privacy.

Wei Ying remains unnaturally subdued as they make their way along the wooded path, Lan Zhan’s arm around his waist bearing much of his weight. The somber mood does not shatter unil Wei Ying spots the quaint cottages surrounding the enclosed courtyard. “Lan Zhan, this isn’t a dorm.”

“You are correct.” Those three words are his only reply as he deposits Wei Ying on the sofa in his personal cottage, his spine a bit straighter when he walks away towards the kitchen. If the prolonged direct contact with Wei Ying’s body leaves him tingling, no one needs to know.

Wei Ying’s wide eyes absorb the details of his surroundings, the spartan decor with pale blue touches throughout the room. “Lan Zhan! Where are we? Was I correct about your wicked ways?” Apparently that idea does not cause Wei Ying distress.

Removing items from the refrigerator, Lan Zhan doesn’t look at Wei Ying as he explains. “As my family representative and your class partner, I will be overseeing your recovery and successful transition to student life. Your things have been moved to the cottage adjacent to mine, there is also storage for your artwork.”

“Wait! Are you telling me all I had to do to become your roommate is bump my head and fall asleep on my roof in the cold?” It’s difficult to determine if Wei Ying is sincere or teasing.

“We are not roommates. Yes, apparently nearly freezing to death is the admission to my world. Can you make it to the table, it is time for dinner. From this point forward you will take your meals with me. It is clear your body needs proper nourishment.” Lan Zhan begins moving dishes to the table, assuming Wei Ying’s compliance.

A bit dazed, Wei Ying holds on to whatever he can reach to make his way to a chair at the table. After Lan Zhan joins him, his words return, “Are you serious? You intend to not only cook for me, but eat with me, three times a day? Man, someone must really have it out for you, who did you annoy Lan Zhan? How long is your punishment going to last? Not that I’m complaining, this looks amazing.” 

“No talking during meals.” Lan Zhan does not acknowledge Wei Ying’s reaction, he eats his dinner methodically, retreating to a quiet corner of his mind.

Eventually Wei Ying stops trying to get his attention and shifts his focus to inhaling as much food as possible. When the meal is finished, he continues chattering, “Thanks, Lan Zhan, that was delicious. Next time, all it needs is a little kick, some spice is alway nice, right?! If I didn’t think I’d end up on the floor with all your lovely dishes I’d offer to clean up. Give me a few days and I’m totally going to do my part. You’ll see, I can be a great roommate, don’t listen to what anyone else tells you.”

“We are not roommates and there is no one else to tell me anything.” Lan Zhan finishes the clean up, Wei Ying is still slumped in his seat. “I will show you your new residence before we review your weekly schedule.” Without asking, he helps Wei Ying up and resumes moving him carefully along, intentionally not fixating on the frailty of his body. 

Wei Ying leans into Lan Zhan shamelessly, laying his head on his shoulder as they resume their shuffle-step-step dance routine. “Besides feeding me, how often will I be seeing your beautiful face?”

“We will see how long you consider my presence a positive aspect of your life. You will follow a structured schedule with the appropriate nutrition, rest and work schedule. Once you have regained your health and demonstrate better habits, no doubt you will be more than ready to see me go.” Lan Zhan slides the door open, beginning the tour. 

A radiant smile explodes across Wei Ying’s face, “Best be prepared for spending eternity with me, beautiful, we can make our own little heaven in the middle of my personal hell.” Encouraged by the stern glance Lan Zhan aims his way, Wei Ying blows him a kiss.


	12. We're NOT Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lan Zhan attempts to apply logic to the care of Wei Ying.

The last few hours with Lan Zhan’s bombshell announcements, combined with a weariness that has infested every bone in his body, leave Wei Ying wiped out. Eating helped, but there is no magic pill that can reverse the downward spiral of the last year plagued by nightmare fueled insomnia, emotional trauma and mental annihilation. Wei Ying doesn’t have the heart to enlighten Lan Zhan to the concept that salvation might no longer be an option. He also doesn’t comprehend why anyone in authority would curse Lan Zhan with the care of a gremlin such as himself. 

Wei Ying readily admits internally that he is selfish enough to be thankful for a companion to join his journey through hell, especially his beautiful partner. If Lan Zhan isn’t going to reject this absurdly bizarre pairing, then Wei Ying sees no choice but to embrace it with everything left in his soul. There are worse ways to die than spending his coherent moments with Lan Zhan. The pretty and perfect Lan Zhan with the magic sandalwood fluffy blue cardigan, the superior human who is currently speaking to Wei Ying. Whoops!

“Um, I got lost in my thoughts, sorry beautiful. Could you say that one more time?” Wei Ying makes an attempt at an endearing smile.

Lan Zhan remains quiet, opting instead to look closely at Wei Ying, refusing to break eye contact even when Wei Ying begins to squirm. “Why do you not appear more rested after twelve hours of sleep?”

To tell or not to tell, that is the dilemma swimming like a shark around Wei Ying’s head. In the end, he’s just too exhausted to elude the truth or weave a tale, the truth it is. “Lan Zhan, I haven’t slept through the night in over a year, the only constant in my life are the nightmares that seem determined to consume what’s left of me. As for the last twelve hours, not to project a lack of gratitude, but all the sedatives achieved was to keep me trapped in the nightmare, unable to escape by waking. I’ll spare you the details of how I spent those hours, but it’s safe to assume the rest was not restorative. I do not want this roller coaster life, but alas the universe did not consult me, and now you’re along for the ride. You have my deepest sincerest apology, not that I don’t intend to enjoy being roommates with your beautiful self.”

“We’re not roommates,” Lan Zhan considers this new information, formulating possible strategies for disruptions of their sleep schedules. “We can discuss your schedule in the morning. Does nothing help to improve your sleep?”

Wei Ying shrugs nonchalantly while revealing, “Actually, your fluffy blue sandalwood-smelling cardigan worked like magic for an afternoon nap. Maybe I’ll just follow you around, collecting your clothing at the end of the day to build myself a nest. There’s definitely nothing odd about that behavior for a roommate. While we’re on the subject, do you know where my fluffy blue slice of heaven has gone? I did not intend to return it, in all honesty.”

Lan Zhan identifies this conversation as an opportunity to apply logic in an unconventional manner. No matter how ridiculous, if Wei Ying believes Lan Zhan’s sweater enabled him to sleep peacefully, then it is an easy temporary fix. Removing the creamy white cardigan he is wearing, he holds it out to Wei Ying, who is wilting before his eyes. “I have washed the blue one, I will wear it tomorrow for your use tomorrow night. Perhaps this one will work in the same way, we will not know if we don’t try. I’ve placed a monitoring system between our rooms so I can hear you, it is too cold to sleep with the windows open. If you need me, I will come.”

Wei Ying stands frozen, staring at the elegant hand offering him comfort, slowly he takes hold of the sweater and wraps himself in it, sniffing the soul-calming sandalwood scent. Without meeting Lan Zhan’s eyes, he mumbles, “Thank you.” It hasn’t occurred to him to locate his phone, he falls onto the couch, pulling his pile of blankets over his head.

Lan Zhan sighs and moves the monitor, which in fact is a baby-monitor, to the kitchen counter. Anticipating possible disruptions, he returns to his own home to prepare for sleep. His final thoughts are self assurances that he will survive this experience by applying rational thinking to each obstacle, regardless of how abstract or absurd the crisis.

Wei Ying floats on the sandalwood cloud for hours before the flames of his hell manage to reach him once more. Tonight it seems the endlessly falling into fire version is on the menu, fueling his screams that shatter the silent space. A scream that jolts Lan Zhan out of bed as it echoes in his bedroom, magnified by the monitor speaker. Heart pounding, he rolls out of bed into a speed walk, his sight set on reaching Wei Ying. He finds him still on the couch, with his head bent down between his knees, gasping to catch his breath. Unsure how to proceed, he gingerly sits next to him and places his hand on his back.

Sadly, Wei Ying is no stranger to the panic attacks that follow his nightmares, his brain shifts to coping mechanisms on autopilot. Finding his breath before he passes out is always the most difficult first step, as he attempts to gain control of his breathing he feels a hand on his back. Cracking his eyes and turning his head, his gaze encounters a pale blue set of pajamas and a long silky black braid, Lan Zhan. Words wait impatiently to fly to freedom, but Wei Ying is unable to give them flight.

As if sensing Wei Ying’s limitations, Lan Zhan softly moves his hand over his back, directing in a firm voice, “Wei Ying, breathe with me, in...and out….” His calm voice filters into the darkness that is threatening to engulf Wei Ying, like the flickering flame of a candle in a dark room. Lan Zhan’s repeated direction to match his own breathing eventually brings Wei Ying back to himself.

“Hello, beautiful.” Wei Ying’s breath is raspy and quiet. “Believe it or not, this night is a victory of sorts, I stayed asleep for four hours thanks to your sweater magic.”

Lan Zhan notes it is one in the morning, much too early to greet the new day. “What do you normally do in this situation?”

Soft laughter colors his words, “Normal is no longer a word in my vocabulary, not that it ever really has been. I have nightmares every night now, so what I do depends on my mood. Sometimes I remain on the couch crying curled in a ball, other times I take a walk under the moon or attack my art if my demons demand an outlet. I used to catch up on my social media and personal texts, but now the time stamp just stresses out the people who can’t be here to help me.”

“You don’t try to sleep again?” Lan Zhan is hesitant to ask, but he needs to understand the problem in order to find a solution that works.

Wei Ying gives him sad eyes, “Not anymore, these days I’m alone and it’s too draining to survive the nightmares twice in one night. Daylight will come, along with classes and responsibilities, I try to conserve my energy.”

“Wei Ying, you are not alone now, would you like to try to sleep again?”  
Lan Zhan makes this offer before completely processing the requirements, specifically that for Wei Ying to not be alone Lan Zhan must sleep in the same location. Wincing internally, Lan Zhan accepts this new development as an inevitable conclusion.

From the startled expression on Wei Ying’s face, it’s clear he has reached the same conclusion. “So this is your wicked way,” a teasing smile with no sting accompanies his word, “your bed or mine?”

“Mine.” Lan Zhan offers his hand to pull Wei Ying up from the couch, before walking away without a word. 

Wei Ying hugs the cream sweater around himself, already dreaming of the bed that must also smell of sandalwood. He’s not foolish enough to permit hope to take up residence in his heart, but he is more than willing to cuddle up next to his lovely roommate.

Lan Zhan’s bed is the standard university double, he keeps the lights out as he lies down on his side, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. Wei Ying observes this mummy pose before falling onto the other side. His side. What a nice thought, and yes, there is sandalwood. For a while he just relaxes into the presence of Lan Zhan, wrapping his company around him like a fluffy blanket to keep his heart warm.

With time, Wei Ying slips into a light sleep, reaching out in the night to rest his hand on Lan Zhan, confirming he’s not alone. When Lan Zhan wakes at five, as he does everyday, he finds Wei Ying curled into his side, his hand resting on his arm. Not sure how he feels about this scenario, he shifts to extricate his body, pausing when his eyes meet grey eyes soft from sleep. 

Thrilled that he claimed almost four more hours of sleep, Wei Ying focuses his fuzzy brain on Lan Zhan, who is slinking from their bed. Their bed, how nice. “I think you discovered the logical solution to my problem,” smiling softly, “Morning, roommate.” 

Lan Zhan’s voice emerges from the bathroom, “We’re not roommates, Wei Ying.”


	13. Rules

During his time in the bathroom, Lan Zhan packs away any disturbing thoughts about waking with Wei Ying’s warm body pressed into his own. This is not the time for distractions, his sanity relies on structure and clear intent. By the time he is dressed and ready to face the day, his mind is organized.

“Get out of bed, Wei Ying. It’s time for breakfast.” Lan Zhan’s voice is firm, it’s time to establish some rules to define the boundaries of their situation. He is determined that even an unconventional situation such as this can be contained with the proper approach. “You will find clean clothes in your room and your bathroom is set up, breakfast will be ready when you return.”

After a small tantrum, Wei Ying stumbles out of the room, leaving Lan Zhan to make the bed and restore order. Next, he prepares a vegetable omelet and sets the table, finding comfort in his usual routine. As he is setting the tea on the table, Wei Ying returns to plop in a chair at the table. He looks less ravaged, but remains too thin and pale from months of neglect. Lan Zhan joins him, serving the tea.

“Coffee?” Wei Ying inquires hopefully, slumped comfortably in his faded jeans and paint splattered hoodie. 

“It can be arranged, for now tea will do. Eat your breakfast, we will talk after.” Lan Zhan is thankful at Wei Ying’s small gift of silence, he eats his breakfast in peace, mentally planning what he wishes to accomplish when they speak.

Wei Ying hauls himself to the couch after they finish, sprawling over the furniture with ease. “Lan Zhan, that was delicious, you are too good to me.” He smiles easily, “What happens now, beautiful? Am I to be punished for causing so much trouble for everyone?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Wei Ying, as you have stated previously, you do not want the life these nightmares bring. You will be helped, not punished.” Lan Zhan is not in the habit of communicating this much, he foresees this becoming a drain on his energy, it will require additional meditation. Armed with his calendar and pen, he begins. “Explain your academic schedule and workload, I can then plan your days efficiently. For now, it’s best you follow my sleep schedule if you cannot sleep otherwise.”

Wei Ying’s odd expression fades with his words, “You’re serious about this? You intend to change your own life to try and fix me?”

“I do not intend to try, it is now my responsibility to discover a path that will heal you, so explain your academics.” Lan Zhan’s laser stare leaves no room for doubt, so he takes notes as Wei Ying outlines what he has finished and the work he needs to complete. “Very well, I have class this morning, we will have lunch here before your research class at the library. I believe we can isolate an aspect of my music history essay for your research topic. You can start your mural in the music building lobby while I have my afternoon classes, then we will return home for dinner.”

Wei Ying blinks at Lan Zhan’s use of the word home, the rest of his words blur together, but that one stands out. Realizing Lan Zhan is waiting for a response, he nods, “Okay, whatever works for you, I’m willing to let you be in charge for now, it’s not like my way was working.” His laugh is a little too harsh, “I’ll do anything you ask if it means I get to sleep with you.” In another moment his words might be interpreted as teasing, but on the edge of his disastrous weekend, they drip with desperation.

Lan Zhan forges ahead, “In regards to our living arrangement, we need to clarify the rules, it’s important to clearly define boundaries.” 

Wei Ying studies Lan Zhan’s intense expression, before sighing, “You would love rules, sure, fine, lay it on me, I will do my best to be a good boy for my beautiful roommate.”

He does not allow Wei Ying the satisfaction of a reaction, “We will use my kitchen for meals and my room for sleeping between nine in the evening and five in the morning. The rest of the time we will remain in our own living spaces, allowing us to enjoy our own lifestyles which obviously differ greatly. Outside of our homes, we will adhere to a schedule we determine each morning at breakfast, as we just discussed.”

“That’s the nicest way anyone has ever exiled my mess from their life, how did you become so elegant? I can’t imagine what your childhood was like, did you ever throw tantrums or trash out your room?” Wei Ying has wiggled so much during their talk that he is almost lying down on the couch.

“Of course not, I do not break rules. Now, it is best you contact your friends and family before lunch, even though the university assured them you were stable.” Lan Zhan stands, indicating it’s time for Wei Ying to return to his own residence.

“Fuck! How did I totally not think about my phone, it’s been off for days now, they are going to kill me! Fuck!” Wei Ying jumps up to find his phone, pausing briefly at the door, “Have a good class, beautiful. Don’t forget you promised to wear my blue fluffy heaven today.” He ignores the fact that the original purpose was for him to sleep, a conflict being addressed by taking over Lan Zhan’s bed. Wei Ying just wants his sweater back, sandalwood scent and all.

Lan Zhan does not respond, he refuses to address Wei Ying’s teasing name he insists on calling him, knowing it would only encourage his antics. Overall that went well, Lan Zhan is certain his plan will work, with just a bit of flexible adjusting along the way. This living arrangement can be managed, the same as any other aspect of life.


	14. "Oh Fuck!"

Entering his new home, Wei Ying is alert enough to explore. His tour reveals a kitchen devoid of junk food, a bedroom full of now-clean clothes, his technology charging on a neatly arranged desk and a studio for his art. Damn, that means Lan Zhan has seen his art, the mystery is dead. Shrugging, he grabs his laptop and phone before heading to the couch, where he is pleased to find a stack of blankets.

Back in his blanket burrito form, he courageously turns on his phone, which immediately starts screaming with notifications. First he sends his patron a text relaying the update that he now has the space for the bulk of his artwork. A group chat is the best answer for the Wens, his siblings and Huaisang, so he opens a new one with a GIF of a sleeping toddler. The immediate responses range from his brother cursing at him for dropping off the face of the Earth to a general consensus of thankfulness he got some sleep. He startles when the alien jingle he uses for his brother goes off, indicating an incoming video call. Fuck.

The next thing he knows, his five favorite faces are on his computer screen, an array of expressions aimed at his no doubt painful grimace. “Um, hey guys, Yay! Spontaneous family reunion!” 

“Reunion, my ass, you self-absorbed clueless prick! You made Yanli cry!” Jiang Cheng’s brotherly love drips from each word.

Yanli interjects lovingly, “What A-Cheng means to say if we were very worried after the university informed us you had an incident. No one would explain, can you tell us what happened Wei Ying?”

A dark cloud blocks out his joy for a minute, prompting his sister to add, “Or not, it’s okay, all that matters is you are better now, right?”

The same guilt and shame that have been his companions for months crash over Wei Ying, he is like a ship being sucked into the depths of the ocean. With Lan Zhan it was easy to let himself forget he was in the hospital the day before, and lost to himself the days before that, but it’s impossible to forget when the hell of the last year is written all over the faces staring at him on the screen. Sinking further into his blankets, a weary sighs marks the start of his brief explanation, “I had a rough weekend, hit my head on a table when I fell off the couch, fell asleep on the roof becoming a human popsicle until Lan Zhan found me. The clinic rehydrated my gremlin self and sent me home in the care of my new roommate, who it turns out is also a wizard with magic sleep inducing sandalwood things.”

Wen Qing is the first to react, “Wei Ying, text me your address, if we leave now we will be there by dinner.”

Nie Huaisang burst out in a laugh, “Absolutely not! Wei Ying has landed in the care of the most boring controlling no-nonsense person, if anyone can fix him, it’s Lan Wangji. He’ll never fall for Wei Ying’s antics, they don’t call him the ice prince for nothing.”

Wei Ying takes offense on behalf of his beloved roommate, “Huaisang, don’t be rude about my beautiful boy! He’s going to feed me three meals a day, manage my schedule and force me to sleep his ridiculous hours of nine to five.” Wei Ying misses the drama of his friends, “Wait! Huaisang, how do you know Lan Zhan???? You’ve never been here, you live in China!!!”

“Ummmm,” Huaisang desperately seeks a plausible reply, “I might have Googled him when you started carrying on about him after your first class together. Never can be too careful, ends up my brother knows the family.”

Wei Ying might have pushed further if Wen Ning hadn’t spoken up, “The university also mentioned that they located space for your artwork, if you still want us to, we will bring it up in a few weeks.”

Jiang Cheng butts in the conversation before Wei Ying can respond, “Not so fast, back things up to that disgusting “my beautiful boy”...what the hell is going on at that fancy university? You’ve only been gone for less than two weeks!”

Wei Ying ignores his brother, still wrestling with the idea of seeing everyone, it makes him feel strangely vulnerable. What if his nightmares return and he’s a trainwreck for their visit? What if he actually starts getting better and seeing them makes him homesick, triggers his nightmares? He starts to spiral into the black hole of what ifs when his phone vibrates. All it takes to center his mind is a text.

Lan Zhan- How are you?

With an absurd grin plastered on his face, he wraps up the call, “Wen Ning, that works fine. I’d love to see all of you, you can stay in my new place, we can have a sleepover! Okie dokie, I’ve got to go now, lots of love!” He chuckles at the sputtering that ends with the push of a button.

Wei Ying- Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! I desperately need u 2 bring my magic blu fluffy! I’m lonely! Where’s my beautiful boy???

Lan Zhan- Work hard, Wei Ying. I will see you at lunch. Behave.

Wei Ying- Come home roommate!!! I missssss u! 

Wei Ying is not surprised when there is no return text. Feeling a glimmer of his former joyful self, he grabs his sketchbook and commits the happier landscapes from his dreams to paper as an outline for his mural. Oddly the scenes inspire a warm glow in his heart, he looks forward to creating a public work of art to share them with others. The images are definitely more uplifting than his other recent works of art. The morning slips away as he remembers the details of the scenes, cascading waterfalls, clouds and lotus blossoms. 

A knock causes his hand to jerk across the page, a glance at the clock declares it lunch time, stashing his art things he leaps eagerly from the couch, “I’m coming, Lan Zhan! My beautiful boy is home!”


	15. Uh! Oh!

In the hours Lan Zhan was gone to class, he found time to meditate and center himself while away from Wei Ying's intense energy. Returning to his home, his resolve to control the situation is fortified, he does not react to Wei Ying's enthusiasm sensing it's habit rather than authentic. In order to maintain structure, he must learn more about his new companion, to anticipate his actions and reactions.

Wei Ying runs his hand lovingly down Lan Zhan's arm, “Ahhh, my fluffy blue sweater.”

Lan Zhan regards Wei Ying's hand until it is removed, “You may have it after lunch and your library research class.” Turning back to his own home to prepare lunch, Wei Ying follows like a duckling.

Lan Zhan instigates a dialogue, using this time to gather intel on Wei Ying's life, “Did you speak with your friends and family?”

“Everyone tricked me into a video call! They are coming in a few weeks to spy on me and to bring me my artwork.” Wei Ying's adrenaline rush has faded, he is once again slumped in his chair, “Except Huaisang, he's in China, but he keeps a close eye on me. He actually had cameras and speakers in my first studio here, I'm surprised he hasn't moved them to my new place. I guess he knows I have a roommate here now to keep me alive.”

Lan Zhan moves the food to the table, taking his own seat, “He did not have permission to do such a thing on this campus, I'm sure. Such extreme measures are not necessary while you stay here. Now eat, it will take time for your body to recover from the strain of the last year.”

After a silent lunch, Lan Zhan walks Wei Ying to the library, they gain the professor's approval for the topic they have selected that corresponds with Lan Zhan's Music History topic. Selecting a remote study room, they arrange the materials Lan Zhan had already requested, preparing to outline Wei Ying's essay. Lan Zhan notes the markers of exhaustion hanging heavy on Wei Ying, which is to be expected since it was only yesterday he left the hospital. Placing a water bottle next to Wei Ying, he asserts, “Hydrate, after we outline your essay, you may return home to nap. The mural can wait until later this week, your body is still very weak.”

Wei Ying knows he is in pathetic shape, all he wants is that fluffy blue sweater and his pile of blankets, “If I finish the outline, can I have my sweater?”

Lan Zhan politely ignores the fact that Wei Ying has laid claim to his clothing, “Yes.”

With determination, Wei Ying opens his laptop and starts examining the research materials next to him. They spend a few minutes discussing the focus of Lan Zhan's essay, and the best direction for Wei Ying to launch his topic.

Lan Zhan clarifies, “My essay will focus on specific historical Chinese instruments used in spiritual rituals, with a heavy emphasis on the guqin.”

“I played the flute when I was younger, it will interesting to learn more about the dizi and research ancient Chinese artwork featuring the instrument.” Wei Ying is warming up to his subject, even though the narrow topic will make research a challenge, the old Wei Ying never met a mountain he didn't want to climb.

Between the internet and the texts Lan Zhan provided, it doesn't take long for Wei Ying to construct an outline. Spinning his laptop towards Lan Zhan, he again lays his hand on his arm, caressing the blue sweater, a look of yearning in his eyes and a pout on his lips. Lan Zhan does his very best not to register the cuteness of Wei Ying in that moment, instead he analyzes his work, gaining new insight as he reads. “You are intelligent, Wei Ying. This is an excellent start.”

A blush adds color to Wei Ying's cheeks, he just keeps petting the sweater, laying his head down on the table. Honoring his word, Lan Zhan removes his cardigan to hand it to Wei Ying, who promptly snuggles into the garment, sniffing the sandalwood and exhaling his stress. Lan Zhan pokes Wei Ying's arm, “I need to continue my work with the restricted reference materials, go home and rest, text me when you arrive.”

With little coherency, Wei Ying nods and starts shuffling away, leaning forward so gravity will propel him towards his couch. By the time he stumbles into his living room, crashing on the couch, he is already half asleep. He texts Lan Zhan before turning off his volume and disappearing into the sweater, lost under a sea of blankets, the magic once more cradling him as he sleeps peacefully for a few hours.

Unfortunately, same as the first time, the power of the sweater apparently has a time limit, once more opening the door to his hell when the time runs out. This time his dream begins in a field of bunnies, he is napping under a bright blue sky, decorated with puffy white clouds. This is a familiar landscape, it is part of his mural outline, it inspires warmth in his heart, the sense that he is not alone. Only that illusion is a lie, the earth opens beneath him, swallowing him whole, dragging him into a fiery dark world of shrill screams and stabbing pain that does not end. His wandering in the darkness, seeking a way back to the field of bunnies, feels endless, until his hope is lost and his own screams join the others, an overwhelming chorus of misery deafening his every thought.

The heart breaking screams reach Lan Zhan while he is walking up the path leading to his home, racing to Wei Ying's residence, he allows the backpacks to slide to the floor as he aims for the couch. Instinctively he scoops Wei Ying into his arms, like a small child, grabbing a blanket to pull around his shaking shoulders. The scream subsides into sobs, Lan Zhan rubs Wei Ying's back soothingly as the turbulent emotions ravage his body. As silence dominates the room, Lan Zhan realizes that Wei Ying has cried himself back to sleep, curled in his arms. Lan Zahn's hand expands its territory, including combing his fingers through Wei Ying's unruly waves that have freed themselves from his signature red ribbon.

Sensing he is trapped for now, Lan Zhan utilizes the time to meditate, calming his own soul that has been disturbed by the return of the nightmare. He allows his hand to continue its journey, the action aiding his pursuit of peace. The lesson he has learned from this is that it's too soon for Wei Ying to be alone for long periods of time, he will factor that new information into their carefully balanced schedule. In the end, Wei Ying rests in Lan Zhan's arms for another hour before wiggling awake.

Sleepy gray eyes peer up at Lan Zhan's pools of gold, a soft smile on his face, Wei Ying whispers, “Nice, your hand is nice.”

Lan Zhan startles, his hand's movement slows, causing Wei Ying to burrow closer, like a kitten. The hand resumes moving slowly, rubbing Wei Ying's back and smoothing his hair back. They both breathe into the softness of the moment, absorbing the calm after the storm.

A soft vibration announces a return of the real world, Lan Zhan reaches for his phone, recognizing a call from his brother. Asking him to hold, he gently moves Wei Ying into a sitting position on the couch, ignoring his moans of displeasure. “Wei Ying, it's time to eat, I will go start preparing our meal.”

Brain still foggy with sleep, Wei Ying glares at Lan Zhan's phone accusingly, “Who's calling?” What he really means is who dares to interrupt their moment.

“My brother, I will see you for dinner.” Lan Zhan steals one last glance at a forlorn Wei Ying, hiding in a blanket tucked in the corner of the couch. Clutching his phone with white knuckles, Lan Zhan forces himself to walk away.


	16. Brother

“Brother, sorry for the delay, how are you?” Lan Zhan resumes his call as he walks to his kitchen, thankful for a distraction from how pitiful Wei Ying is able to look.

The familiarity of Lan Xichen's voice is comforting, “I am calling to check in, I know I am asking a great deal from you. How is Wei Wuxian?”

Lan Zhan forms a response in his mind before replying, “He is weak, cooperative, we have structured a shared schedule I believe will address his needs.”

“And you, Wangji, how are you coping with the intrusion into your private life?” Lan Xichen's tone implies he already knows the answer to this question.

“I am fine, the situation is under control.” Lan Zhan decides that's an honest response. Technically he is fine most of the time, there is no need to worry his brother when he is unable to assist from so far away.

A sigh indicates his doubt, but his words do not, “Very well, I appreciate your support. Now, what would you like for your birthday gift, I can hardly believe you are almost twenty-one.”

“I do not require a gift for my birthday, your health and happiness is my wish.” This is a yearly ritual, an offer and a polite rejection, Lan Zhan thinks of it as a birthday tradition.

“Birthday! Lan Zhan, when is your birthday?! How can you not tell your roommate such important information???” Wei Ying's burst of words announce his stealth arrival, Lan Zhan flinches at the question, he does not view his birthday as important.

“Wei Ying, it is of no consequence, perhaps you can set the table while I finish cooking.” Lan Zhan's attempt at redirecting Wei Ying's attention is an epic failure.

Wei Ying grabs the plates from Lan Zhan, continuing his inquiry, snatching Lan Zhan's phone before he can stop him, dancing away from him to ask his brother, “Hello Lan Zahn's brother! Pretty please tell me what day this beautiful boy blessed the world with his presence???” By now Wei Ying's twists and turns have brought him to Lan Zhan's bedroom, where he is hiding, leaning against the door to keep it closed in the event Lan Zhan seeks entry.

Surprise saturates Lan Xichen's laugh, “Hello, Wei Wuxian, it sounds as if you are well.”

“With Lan Zhan's tender loving care, I am on the road to recovery. I need a date, it's unforgivable for Lan Zhan's day of birth to not be a celebration!” Wei Ying's enthusiasm is palpable.

“January 23rd, good luck convincing him to celebrate it, I have tried for years. I will let you return his phone, you need to eat.” Lan Xichen tone remains friendly.

It's Wei Ying's turn to chuckle with glee, “Who said anything about convincing him? I'm more of a surprise attack sort of person. Okay, bye big brother, don't worry about Lan Zhan, I'll take care of him.” Wei Ying ends the call before an answer can be heard, bouncing back into the kitchen.

Lan Zhan watches the gremlin bounce out of his room, a sheepish yet unapologetic smirk on his face, phone held out to return. He does not reward his bad behavior with a comment, instead he reads the text from his brother wishing him luck. Lan Zhan does not find this funny, so he does not reply. Wei Ying manages to refrain from speaking until after dinner, while they are clearing the dishes. Wanting to play his part, Wei Ying begins drying the dishes as Lan Zhan washes them. Nothing more is mentioned about his birthday.

“So, thanks for letting me sleep on you earlier, it's been a few days, so the nightmare hit me a little harder than usual.” Wei Ying is sincere, he vaguely recalls Lan Zhan's care after his nap incident, he definitely remembers how nice it was to wake up in his arms.

“There is no need for thanks between us, it is the nature of our situation. I am sorry I did not anticipate the risk of you napping alone, it will not happen again.” Lan Zhan moves to the living room after the kitchen is restored to its usual pristine condition, gathering his books near him on the couch.

Wei Ying stands frozen, unsure if he should stay or return to his own house until bedtime. He needs to work on his independent art pairing, but that requires he be in a darker mood. That conundrum grabs his internal dialogue, if he starts to recover, how will it impact his artwork? Can he complete the unfinished work if his mindset is hopeful and positive? Will he have to relapse to access a darker frame of mind?

Lan Zhan's firm voice penetrates his muddled brain, “Wei Ying, shall we prepare for tomorrow's partner discussion? Professor Xiao will be happy to see you are better.”

Obediently Wei Ying falls into line, joining Lan Zhan on his couch to focus on school work until it's time to prepare for bed, which he does back in his own bathroom, before returning to Lan Zhan's room for sleeping. While in his own bathroom, he accepts a video call from Huaisang, it's morning in China. “Hello bestie, how's life?”

“Boring without Wei Ying, I miss spying on you, maybe you can set up a new system for me. I worry.” Huaisang's tone is petulant.

“Ha! No way are you spying on Lan Zhan, but maybe in my studio, you can keep me company while I work. What happened to your equipment from my old studio?” Wei Ying misses his friend as well.

“I believe your Professor Xiao retrieved it after your incident, ask him in class to bring it to you, I miss my best boy!” Huaisang's whine is more endearing than annoying. “How is my best boy, is your Lan Wangji taking good care of you?”

“Lan Zhan is an angel, he feeds me, is scheduling my time, he even let's me sleep with him so I don't have nightmares. It's like he's a magic sandalwood sleep whisperer! On that note, I gotta go so he isn't upset, bedtime is nine now! Love you bestie!” Wei Ying ends the call before he hears Huaisang's disbelief expressed loudly.

The room is dark when Wei Ying tip toes in, without a word he slides under the covers and curls into Lan Zhan's side. Releasing the stress of his day with a deep exhale, allowing himself to absorb the heat of Lan Zhan's body. It doesn't take long for him to drift away into a peaceful sleep.

Once he feels that Wei Ying is finally resting, Lan Zhan calms his own mind and slips away, free from worry while Wei Ying is tucked up safely into his side. They survived their first day, tomorrow he is determined will be even better, he's planned every minute to avoid any relapses. Assured that his world will remain stable if they adhere to the schedule, Lan Zhan sleeps.


	17. Stability

After a few days they fall into their new routine, Wei Ying submitting willingly to Lan Zhan's structure and companionship. Under his new roommate's protection, the nightmares are held at bay, his body actually acclimates to Lan Zhan's insane nine to five sleep pattern and begins to heal. Three nutritious meals a day start to restore his energy, making him more alert and able to focus. By the end of the first week, Wei Ying is focused enough to formulate a plan for a surprise birthday party for Lan Zhan.

The guests list is limited, Professor Xiao and his family, Wei Ying and of course the birthday boy. Wei Ying locates a culinary student willing to bake a cake decorated with bunnies and the professor offers to bring the meal, probably in hope of preventing food poisoning after inspecting Wei Ying's stash of food at his first studio. All that leaves for Wei Ying to do is scavenge decorations to create a festive atmosphere, with no access to town, his findings are limited to a bag of balloons, one roll of ribbon, and a crown. But have no fear! Wei Ying is here! He has the brilliant idea to paint a birthday banner on a white sheet he “finds” in Lan Zhan's linen closet, this way he can keep it and use it every year.

Plans in place, by the end of the first week, Wei Ying dares to hope. He hopes his body and mind might survive, he hopes his academics this semester will finish on a high note, he hopes his heart will continue absorbing Lan Zhan's care and concern. Secretly in a corner of his soul, he hopes that maybe he has finally found his person, someone he can put first, someone that wants him in return. It's not that Lan Zhan's personality is different, he's still steadfast in his silence, reserved replies and stubborn schedule, but it's that consistent steadfast behavior that brings peace to Wei Ying's world. He can count on Lan Zhan, he can anticipate his actions and reactions, he can trust his words. 

On Friday, Lan Zhan declares it's time for Wei Ying to start his mural in the music building lobby, so he directs him to pack what he needs before they make the short journey to his assigned spot. Lan Zhan has class, so he leaves Wei Ying safely ensconced in his space under the stairs, hidden by tarps hung for privacy. Wei Ying happily dives into the project, enjoying the landscapes that offered him so much comfort in his nightmares. Hours fly by before he hears Lan Zhan's voice calling him, telling him it's time to go home. Home. His home with Lan Zhan. That's a dangerous thought. Shying away from it, Wei Ying closes up his paints, before joining Lan Zhan for the walk home.

It's their last free weekend for a while, next weekend is the surprise birthday party and Wei Ying's family and friends are due the following weekend. This is also the first weekend they've spent together, it's hard for Wei Ying to believe that it was just last weekend when he had his roof incident. Odd how fast life can change, how large of a difference one person can make. He is aware that Lan Zhan is only helping him because his family feels obligated to maintain the safety of their students, Lan Zhan earning the role of babysitter since he lives here. Wei Ying hasn't dared to ask at what point he will be sent back to regular student housing, away from Lan Zhan's private life. Even though it's only been a week, he can't imagine not sleeping next to Lan Zhan, sharing their meals and class schedule. He has become the oasis in Wei Ying's hellish desert of death, he needs him.

Wei Ying strives to keep things light, “So, what do you want to do this weekend?”

There is no hesitation in Lan Zhan's reply, “We will work on our research, prepare for Professor Xiao's class discussion, and you need to spend some time on your mural.”

Wei Ying resists teasing Lan Zhan about the rule that stipulates Wei Ying stay in his own home except for meals and sleeping, he isn't going to risk having it enforced. So begins a couple of the best days of Wei Ying's entire life. 

Wei Ying sets the table as Lan Zhan prepares their Friday night meal, he even takes the initiative to make Lan Zhan's evening tea, merely smiling at Lan Zhan's questioning glance. They dine in comfortable silence, Wei Ying clears the dishes and Lan Zhan puts away the extra food. Lan Zhan washes as Wei Ying dries, now able to put the dishes away without assistance. Once the kitchen again meets Lan Zhan's expectation, they move to the living room. 

Lan Zhan brings out his guqin, assuming the correct posture to practice his music. An idea grabs hold of Wei Ying, sending him back to his own place to get his flute, again answering Lan Zhan's inquisitive stare with a smile when he sits on the edge of the sofa. Lan Zhan resumes his playing, allowing Wei Ying to find his own rhythm a midst his melody. Over the next few hours of playing, something shifts in the tone of their relationship. Wei Ying feels as if he is learning to weave his identity into the intricate tapestry of Lan Zhan's life, disregarding the fact that it is not natural for Wei Ying to be this submissive. Lan Zhan appears more accepting of Wei Ying's presence, he hasn't kicked him out, that's a positive sign.

At eight, Lan Zhan concludes his practice, nodding to Wei Ying before leaving to perform his nightly ritual of preparing for sleep. Without watching, Wei Ying knows he will shower, braid his hair, clean his face, and meditate before retiring to bed with a book. Wei Ying has his own routine timed to slide into the bed right after Lan Zhan, using the quiet to check his phone and shut down his mind for the day. Tonight is no different, except there is a new intimacy to the scenario, perhaps birthed with their duet. At nine, Wei Ying turns off his phone and places it on the charger, scooting down so his head aligns with Lan Zhan's shoulder. He waits while Lan Zhan marks his place in his book, leaving it on the night stand as he turns off the light, shifting into his nightly sleeping position without comment. Lifting the covers for Wei Ying to rest his head on his should, the rest of his body molding to the curves of Lan Zhan. This is the absolute best part of his new living situation, using Lan Zhan as a pillow, snuggled into his warmth, his large hand resting reassuringly on Wei Ying's lower back. They never speak of their night time ritual, it has simply become part of their routine, same as sharing their meals.

Only tonight, as Wei Ying is drifting off to enjoy a blissful sleep, he feels Lan Zhan press a gentle kiss to the top of his head. That night he dreams of the sunny field of bunnies under the bright blue sky painted with fluffy clouds, only this time Lan Zhan is with him.


	18. Sexy Saturday

Lan Zhan is confused. Logically, he understands that Wei Ying is less annoying now that he is adhering to an orderly life, that makes sense to Lan Zhan. He is following the rules Lan Zhan set for their shared living arrangement, with rest and proper meals he is calmer. What's taunting Lan Zhan's sanity is that he finds himself enjoying Wei Ying's company, sharing his meals, sharing his thoughts, sharing his bed. Taking care of someone is actually rewarding, or it is if that person has a smile made of sunshine, gray eyes that sparkle with life and laughter that echoes with infectious joy. These are the aspects of Wei Ying he sees now, more than the piercings, tattoos and wrinkled street clothes. Not that all aspects of Wei Ying are not appealing.

Last night's duet opened Lan Zhan's eyes to the change in his perception of the other man. Although it's only been a week, Wei Ying has bled into every part of Lan Zhan's world, including his music. The grocery list adjusted to feeding two, the laundry schedule now accommodates tattered jeans and hoodies, the class schedule adapted to include Wei Ying's few commitments, his free time is planned so that Wei Ying is never alone to possibly nap, and his school work is completed with a new instinct to comment as he writes. His nights are no longer solitary, the weight of Wei Ying's body acts as his blanket, his soft breath tickles his neck, his artist's hand rests on his chest, his long leg anchors Lan Zhan's entire being. He is no longer calculating how to survive his time with Wei Ying, he now avoids the idea that one day his world will return to the way it was before.

It's thoughts such as these that inspired Lan Zhan to impulsively kiss the top of Wei Ying's head last night, silently wishing him sweet dreams. Thoughts such as these race around his head as he watches Wei Ying sleep in the earliest hour, tightening his hold on him, resisting the urge to run his fingers through his soft waves. Wei Ying's eyes open to meet Lan Zhan's golden gaze, a sweet smile forming on his lips, his hand moving from Lan Zhan's chest to his cheek, cradling his face. Lan Zhan doesn't move as Wei Ying stretches his body so he can press a tender kiss on Lan Zhan's pale pink mouth. 

This is their first kiss, Lan Zhan's first kiss, his mind goes blank except for the repeated thought, Wei Ying is kissing me. When Wei Ying attempts to pull back, Lan Zhan's arm draws him back, bringing their lips together again. This makes sense, Wei Ying's body pressed to his own, lips connected, a heat simmering beneath the surface of the moment, all of this feels right. 

Wei Ying is the first to gasp for air, his voice still soft with sleep, “Morning my beautiful boy.” 

As Wei Ying once more wraps his body around Lan Zhan, obviously hovering between his dreams and reality, Lan Zhan hugs him close, a large sigh releasing all his anxiety. He feels rebellious as he allows his eyes to close, drifting back to sleep.

When he wakes again a few hours later, he discovers alert gray eyes observing him, a reflective expression on his gorgeous face. Words form on Wei Ying's lips, but he traps them by closing his lips firmly, a frown now wrinkling his forehead as if his thoughts are disturbing him. Before he can say the wrong thing, Lan Zhan gathers his courage and pulls him up into a sloppy kiss. It takes a few seconds for Wei Ying's body to melt into Lan Zhan's body, his hand moving behind Lan Zhan's head to prolong the kiss. 

When they pull apart, Wei Ying finds his words, “Okay, so that answers my question, you're not mad, and we are doing this now, excellent, I'm firmly in favor of this new addition to our routine.”

Lan Zhan confirms his words by dragging him back to plant kisses along his neck, nibbling Wei Ying's flesh as he reaches his collar bone. “Mn, new habits are advised.” To prove his point, he devotes the next hour to practicing his new skill, a constellation of marks on Wei Ying's body are evidence of his diligence.

Wei Ying's stomach crashes their party by growling, startling Lan Zhan into realizing it is nine in the morning. Flipping on the light, he turns to aid Wei Ying in standing, only to freeze at the striking image of his claim on Wei Ying's body, his shirt long gone. It should bother Lan Zhan that the sight makes him want to add to his masterpiece, rather than evoking guilt for being rough enough to leave traces. Wei Ying's satisfied smirk dispels Lan Zhan's momentary worry, especially as Wei Ying examines his body, before watching the hunger in Lan Zhan's eyes increase. However, the mood is once more altered by the growling of Wei Ying's stomach. Lan Zhan reaches for a powder blue sweatshirt that he knows the other man covets, leaning in he orders, “Hands up,” sliding the fluffy goodness over Wei Ying's head before catching him off guard by lifting him out of bed, “Move your things to my bathroom while I start your coffee and breakfast. It's more efficient than you running back and forth.”

Wei Ying bites his tongue to resist teasing Lan Zhan, fearful this gift might be revoked. Stealing a quick kiss, he darts away as soon as his feet hit the ground. Nearly colliding with the door, he bobs and weaves his way to his bathroom and back in record time, crashing into Lan Zhan's bathroom to store his stuff. For some silly reason, seeing his toothbrush next to Lan Zhan's cracks his heart open a bit more. After taking care of his morning needs, he pays Lan Zhan in kisses for a hot cup of coffee. He sets the table as he tries not to scald his mouth, then he hugs Lan Zhan from behind, taking advantage of his location to attack the smooth skin of Lan Zhan's neck, bestowing on his chef a sign of possession for all the world to view.

With no desire to escape his predicament, Lan Zhan whimpers, relaxing into Wei Ying and tilting this head to grant better access. Eventually they manage to finish breakfast and cleaning up, next Lan Zhan's couch becomes command central for their research on historical instruments, the coffee table piled high with books Lan Zhan has collected. With only a few kissing breaks, Wei Ying writes his entire rough draft by the time they stop. 

“Let's take a walk, fresh air and exercise are good for you.” Lan Zhan props Wei Ying up, moving with him towards the bedroom to finish dressing. It's a gorgeous winter day, they shuffle along the more obscure trails, Wei Ying swinging their joined hands as he bops along to a song only he can hear. Lan Zhan is content to coast along on Wei Ying's joyful energy, soaking in the nature surrounding them.

“Lan Zhan! Do you want to know a secret?” Wei Ying dances around Lan Zhan, failing to contain his excitement.

“If you wish to tell me,” Lan Zhan's tone is fond rather than exasperated.

“You're my first boyfriend, my first kiss, I had barely adjusted to being free to explore dating at university when my nightmares started. The more my life spiraled out of control, the more I pushed strangers away, clinging only to those I trusted.” Wei Ying peeks sideways to judge Lan Zhan's reaction to this news.

Lan Zhan's brain stopped functioning at the word boyfriend, a term he never expected to associate with himself. It's a bit daunting to digest the concept, he's not sure what the position entails, what Wei Ying expects from him. Realizing he's been speechless too long, he focuses on Wei Ying, encountering anxious gray eyes. “It's a good secret, don't be worried. It's the same for me, you are my first,” for lack of a better response, he resorts to kissing, a skill he is finding to be an excellent asset. 

Leaning back, Wei Ying doesn't let him off that easy, “What craziness is taking root in that head of yours, beautiful boy?”

Lan Zhan clings to his silence a bit longer, before daring an explanation, “I do not know how to be a boyfriend.”

A bright clear laugh erupts from Wei Ying, followed by kisses to assure Lan Zhan he's not laughing at him, “Lan Zhan, you are already the perfect boyfriend, you make me feel safe and take care of me, even when I know I'm getting on your nerves. The only missing piece of the puzzle was the kissing, which you are already perfecting. You don't need to change a thing,” Wei Ying halts for a second, arranging his words before speaking for once, “The most important thing for me is that I trust you to not hurt me, to make sure I feel wanted, if I haven't told you before, my past blessed me with abandonment issues. It's my personal baggage, but you deserve a warning if you're going to be my boyfriend.”

“I'm strong, I don't mind helping you carry your baggage,” Lan Zhan seals his promise with a kiss, “You are wanted.”

After the walk, dinner, and another shared musical session, they retire early. Lan Zhan reads while Wei Ying catches up on his social media. Casting a shy glance in Lan Zhan's direction, he hesitantly asks, “Do you care if I post a picture of us from our walk with my status change to “taken”?”

“Which one?” Lan Zhan doesn't seem to be against the idea, he smiles at the picture on Wei Ying's camera, they both look very happy in the selfie. “That's fine.” He hands him back his phone and continues reading. Internally, he's ecstatic that Wei Ying wants the world to know he now belongs to Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying posts the picture without commentary, and changes his status on his social media accounts. After adding the pic to a group chat with his family and friends, along with the declaration “My man!”, Wei Ying turns his phone off at the same time Lan Zhan switches off the lamp.


	19. Utopia

The next morning Wei Ying wakes to a phone flooded with notifications, he deletes those related to minor acquaintances and friends of friends, devoting his time to laughing at the outrageous replies from his family and friends.

Purple Grape- What?!? Focus on your schoolwork idiot! Leave that poor man alone!

Sacred Sister- I'm happy for you, A-Xian! I can't wait to meet him! Tell him I expect him to take good care of my little brother!

Scary Sister- He'd better not be taking advantage of you while your vulnerable!!!! If he hurts you, they will never find the body!!! Congratulations, otherwise.

My Cinnamon Roll- Take care of yourself Wei Ying, you deserve the best, I hope you are happy. How is your art coming?

My Bestie- Is this a prank? What have you done with my best friend? How does he not scare the hell out of you with his rigid icy ways? Call me!!!

Lan Xichen- Interesting...nice picture, how are the birthday plans coming? I assume you stole my number from Lan Wangji's phone...

Rather than respond to anyone, Wei Ying fights his way past the mound of blankets to go in search of his boyfriend. He is in need of kisses and coffee.

The next week flies by, an exquisite utopia, Wei Ying and Lan Zhan basking in the glow of their affections. Wei Ying's mural is almost finished, he insists Lan Zhan not see it until it is completed. His research paper is a thing of the past, already submitted for assessment, he can check that class off as a success. The set designs for the spring play were moved to the theater for rehearsals, so that class is also a wrap. Professor Xiao's class is just another chance to be with Lan Zhan, so it's a joy. The only obstacle standing in Wei Ying's path towards a triumphant semester is his independent art project. He is struggling to find a way to finish his paired artwork without the dark mindset created from his nightmare hell. Professor Song isn't concerned yet, there's plenty of time before the end of the semester, so Wei Ying keeps pushing it to the back of his mind. He's too busy being consumed by happiness, hibernating in his bubble with Lan Zhan.

It's Friday morning, Wei Ying is laying in bed mentally listing everything he's looking forward to, Professor Xiao's class discussion on Rodin, Lan Zhan's surprise birthday party the next day, and a lazy Sunday with his boyfriend. The old Wei Ying would be holding his breath, terrified of so many good things, sure that it will all be taken away once again. The new Wei Ying is stronger, rooted in Lan Zhan's stability, secure in their connection. If the nightmare chaotic version of Wei Ying didn't drive Lan Zhan to run the other way, he doesn't believe anything will cause his boyfriend to abandon him. 

Rolling out of bed, Wei Ying shuffles through his morning routine, dressing quickly now that most of his things have found their way into Lan Zhan's bedroom. He snuggles into Lan Zhan's back as he cooks their breakfast, planting kisses on his neck, “Good morning my beautiful boy.”

Removing the pan from the burner and turning off the stove, Lan Zhan shifts to embrace Wei Ying, lingering over a series of kisses, nipping at his neck playfully. “Eat, we need to leave for class.”

“You're such a task master, always bossing me around,” Wei Ying pouts prettily as he pretends to whine, “My mural is finished, I want to show you on Sunday as part of your birthday gift.”

“I don't need a gift, you're my present, I will be sure to show my appreciation tonight,” Wei Ying chokes on his toast, bring a satisfied smile to Lan Zhan's face. 

Wei Ying gets his revenge by distracting Lan Zhan with a plethora of images during class featuring Rodin's nude sculptures, making it impossible for his to stay focused on the class discussion. That night, Lan Zhan takes his time exploring Wei Ying's sensitive tender spots, taking great pleasure in building the fire burning inside his boyfriend. The day they became a couple, they agreed to take things slow in regards to sex, neither of them in a hurry to risk their evolving bond. On their calendar, spring break is covered in heart emojis, reminding them that they have big plans to spend the week losing their virginity together, practicing their new skill faithfully. In the meantime, they rotate the honor of torturing one another at night, learning about what they each prefer.


	20. Highs and Lows

Finally the day of the party arrives, Wei Ying's job is to convince Lan Zhan to drive him into town to visit some shops, while the others decorate and set up for the event. Everything goes according plan, Lan Zhan agreeing easily to Wei Ying's request, no doubt hoping if he keeps him busy he will forget today is his birthday. Wei Ying loves wrapping his arm around Lan Zhan's waist, leaning into his side, to wander around the shops. The last shop they visit is a pet shop, where the birthday boy falls in love with a pair of rabbits, one black and one white. 

Holding the black one, Wei Ying laughs at Lan Zhan's dopey look of adoration for the bunny in his hands, “Ahhh, my beautiful bunny boy, have you ever had a pet bunny?”

“No, my uncle does not allow animals inside, but there are wild bunnies in Cloud Recesses,” a dark cloud settles over Lan Zhan, which Wei Ying declares unacceptable. 

Handing the black bunny to Lan Zhan, Wei Ying goes to speak with the employee, who scurries off to compile the items necessary to care for bunnies. Noticing the time, Wei Ying tells Lan Zhan a vague version of the truth, “We should go, I told Professor Song I would meet him around lunch for an update on my independent project.”

Lan Zhan nods as he hands the black bunny back to Wei Ying, so he can use his free hand to push himself up off the floor. This sad Lan Zhan is too much for Wei Ying's fragile heart, as his boyfriend starts walking towards the bunnies cage, Wei Ying calls out, “Where are you going, Lan Zhan? Home is the other direction.”

Confusion blends with the sadness in Lan Zhan's eyes, waiting for Wei Ying's clarification. When Wei Ying holds out his hand, Lan Zhan is drawn like a magnet, without thought, grasping his hand, locking their fingers together. When Wei Ying pulls him closer for a kiss, careful not to squish the bunnies, he draws out the pressing of their lips, always eager for more. When Wei Ying hands the cashier a bank card, whispering to Lan Zhan, “Happy birthday, my beautiful boy, let's take our bunny babies home,” his eyes get wide to match the his smile.

Wei Ying drives home so Lan Zhan can cuddle the bunnies, holding them close as if someone might snatch them away. Giggling, Wei Ying pats Lan Zhan's thigh, “I love to see you so bright, I want to spend all my time giving you reasons to smile. Thank you for being with me, Lan Zhan, I love being with you.” It's not a total confession, but a solid stepping stone. Wei Ying doesn't want to give his heart away while driving a car, the romantic in him needs candles, music, ambiance, Lan Zhan deserves to have scene set perfectly. So Wei Ying is waiting until Sunday to tell Lan Zhan how much he loves him, no matter how long they've been together.

Wei Ying convinces Lan Zhan to leave their purchases in the car, emphasizing bunny safety, going so far as to demand Lan Zhan hand him both bunnies while he opens the door. Secretly Wei Ying dreads seeing a bunny sent flying across the room when the hidden guests scream surprise at his boyfriend. Sure enough, when he steps inside his living room, he leaps back as a chorus wishes him a happy birthday. Wei Ying nudges him with his hip, smiling sheepishly when Lan Zhan peers at him with dazed eyes, still in shock. Wei Ying starts with a prolonged loving kiss, “Happy birthday, boyfriend. Now go inside so we can celebrate the day of your birth with our friends.”

It takes a while for Lan Zhan to warm up to the event, but in time he's conversing with Professor Xiao about his ideas for improving the university in small ways, thankful for a fresh perspective. The meal is fabulous, the merry group empty the car and build a home for the bunnies, much to Lan Zhan's obvious thrill. Wei Ying's camera is loaded with new pictures from the day, the most recent being a family portrait of he and Lan Zhan with their new sons. “Ah, Lan Zhan, our babies are so cute, they need names!”

“Mn, I must think about it, I'll decide tomorrow,” Lan Zhan refuses to be rushed on such an important matter, no matter how much Wei Ying whines. 

“Fine, then I guess it's cake time!!!” Wei Ying skips to the kitchen, leaving Lan Zhan to follow, while the others gather around. Wei Ying disappears behind the screen that has been hiding his final surprise, when he removes the screen, Lan Zhan's jaw actually drops open. Professor Xiao exclaims first, “Wow!!! You know how to make a statement, Wei Ying!”

Twenty-one cupcakes surround the elaborate bunny cake, a lit candle in each one, with small bunny figures grace each one displayed to look as if they're hopping around. The actual cake is a work of art, with birthday wishes written across it in an elegant script. Lan Zhan remains speechless, moving to stand next to Wei Ying, a little overwhelmed, so Wei Ying starts the birthday song with everyone joining him. “Blow out the candles, birthday boy, don't forget to make a wish,” Wei Ying kisses him before guiding him up to the table. 

Before he can obey Wei Ying, a voice slices through the festive atmosphere, “Well, I see Wei Wuxian didn't need luck after all,” a slightly older version of Lan Zhan walks towards them, a friendly smile greeting the group, “Happy birthday, little brother.”

Lan Zhan is frozen, his brain unable to comprehend that his brother is standing in his living room, no longer in China. It takes Wei Ying rubbing his hand on his back to get his attention, “Blow out your candles, make your wish.” This time he successfully completes the task, hugging Wei Ying in thanks before properly greeting his brother.

“Lan Xichen, why are you here?” To everyone it sounds abrupt to the edge of rude, but his brother and Wei Ying hear the real inquiry, worry that something is wrong.

“We wanted to see you, this birthday is special,” he links arms with his husband, including Nie Mingjue in his reply.

Suddenly remembering his own partner, Lan Zhan holds his hand out to Wei Ying, “Brother, this is my boyfriend, Wei Wuxian,” locking his arm around the other man's waist to anchor him, he extends the introductions, “Wei Ying, my brother Lan Xichen and his husband Nie Mingjue.”

Unusually shy, Wei Ying shakes the offered hands, retreating back to lean into Lan Zhan, “I'm sure you were thrilled to hear your baby brother is dating the train wreck you assigned him to babysit,” true to form, Wei Ying uses self-destructive humor to hide his nerves. Just because he knows how great he and Lan Zhan are together, doesn't mean it makes sense to anyone else, he's no fool, he is painfully aware that just two weeks ago he was in the hospital.

An awkward silence follows his statement, Lan Zhan squeezes him closer, not sure how to phrase a response that won't be misunderstood. Professor Xiao seizes the opportunity to greet his old friends before excusing his family from the gathering, it's getting late. They take their cake and cupcakes to go, wishing Lan Zhan a happy birthday as they exit. In their absence, the birthday decorations stand out as harsh and invasive, the cake like a woman overdressed for a casual affair. 

Lan Zhan resorts to his life-long coping mechanism of silence, gathering the items he needs to make tea, hoping the process can magically restore peace to his home. It's as if two weather systems are colliding over the open sea, his fragile world with Wei Ying and a lifetime of habits orbiting his older brother. Without forewarning, he is not equipped to cope with the situation. Still, he tries, “How was your flight?”

Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue claim the couch first, leaving Wei Ying and Lan Zhan the armchairs. Displeased with the distance, Lan Zhan holds out his free hand to Wei Ying, a stubborn glint in his eye. Reluctantly, Wei Ying permits his boyfriend to situate him on his lap, careful not to spill his tea. The brothers chat about their journey, uncle, and Lan Zhan's classes, as they drink tea, Wei Ying takes a page from Lan Zhan's playbook and hides behind silence. Finally, Lan Zhan relaxes enough to play host, “You can stay next door at Wei Ying's, his room is free, how long are you in town?'

Lan Xichen glances meaningfully at his husband, prompting Nie Mingjue to stand, “Wei Wuxian, why don't you show me around your place.”

Wei Ying doesn't want to leave Lan Zhan, an irrational fear is seeping into his body that if he let's go, he will lose him forever. He can tell Lan Zhan is torn between rejecting the idea and not rocking the boat, it's only natural his brother wants to speak with him alone. It's probably just Wei Ying's insecurities distorting things, whispering to him about conspiracies to part him from his new love. Forcing himself not to be a burden for Lan Zhan on his birthday, Wei Ying wills himself to stand and walk away, gesturing for Nie Mingjue to follow him.

The tour is super short, the space is not a palace, but it's enough time for Wei Ying's spaghetti brain to connect the dots, “Wait, are you by any chance related to Nie Huaisang?”

“Yes, he's my little brother.” Nie Mingjue replies as if this is common knowledge.

The sword of betrayal slices at Wei Ying's heart, never in a million years would he have suspected his best friend capable of lying to him. Not caring that's it's early morning in China, Wei Ying opens a video call with Huaisang, positioning the camera so both he and Nie Mingjue are visible. He answers within a few rings, probably expecting to hear how Wei Ying has messed things up again, “Morning bestie, you'll never guess who came to dinner!” Wei Ying's false cheer echoes with bitterness.

“Oh...brother, why are you in New York?” it's obvious Huaisang feels cornered, trapped by his own deception.

While the brother's carry on a stilted conversation, Wei Ying mentally withdraws, relying on his lifetime coping mechanism of concealing his pain. “I'm letting you go now, Huaisang. Enjoy your life.” Wei Ying intends for his message to be very clear. 

“Wei Ying...,” Huaisang's voice falters, pauses, at a loss for words, not that it matters because Wei Ying disconnects the call.

Looking Nie Mingjue in the eye, his expression empty of all emotion, Wei Ying calmly says, “Let's get this over with, shall we,” mindlessly making his way back to Lan Zhan, numb from the loss of his best friend, fearful his boyfriend is next.


	21. A Rocky Road

As they enter the living room, Lan Zhan can be heard stating with conviction, “Absolutely not!”

Not realizing they had arrived, Lan Xichen's rebuttal is just as firm, “I'm afraid I must insist, you have to trust me when I say this is in the best interest of everyone.”

Nie Mingjue intentionally moves to his husband's side, not saying a word. Wei Ying is greeted by turbulent seas of gold, tension stiffening Lan Zhan's entire body. It angers Wei Ying to see his beautiful boy distressed anytime, but especially on what has been such a special day. “Lan Zhan, what is causing you stress? How can I help?”

In the last two weeks, Lan Zhan has come a long way in his ability to speak his mind without sorting his words first, only with Wei Ying, of course. His frustration is palpable, “Brother wants to spend the night with me alone, he says it is tradition in our family on the twenty-first birthday. He won't tell me why until midnight, he doesn't understand,”

But Wei Ying does, if he wasn't so high maintenance, the idea of spending a night with his brother would not torment Lan Zhan. A brother that Wei Ying knows is the most important person in his boyfriend's life, a brother he seldom sees now that his family sent him so far away to school. A brother he missed terribly up until two weeks ago when Wei Ying stormed into his life, demanding all his attention. The voice that's been hiding in the shadows of his heart asserts itself, reminding him he always knew it was unfair to expect Lan Zhan to give so much of his life indefinitely. He had just hoped they could steal this semester from reality, but since when did his hopes mean a damn thing. Wei Ying sits on the arm of Lan Zhan's seat, his back to the other two men, he refuses to be the cause of a rift between the brothers, just as he would never let anyone come between him and Jiang Cheng. He pours all his love into a kiss, doing his best to assure Lan Zhan, “It's fine, what's one night after almost two years, don't worry about me, I can video chat my way through the night if need be, be with your brother. Just know, I expect crepes for breakfast.” His humor is lame, he knows, but it offers Lan Zhan an easy way down this difficult path.

“Wei Ying, it's not okay, I don't want you to be alone,” he wraps an arm around him to hold him in place, as if he knows he's slipping away.

“How about I promise to call you if there's a problem, I'm just across the courtyard, and your brother is usually across the planet.” There's no need to explain that what Wei Ying deems a problem differs from Lan Zhan's criteria.

Lan Xichen steps in, “Thank you, Wei Ying, for your consideration. One day I will explain.”

While he still has the will to leave, Wei Ying rolls out of Lan Zhan's grip, stepping behind his chair to bend down and kiss his neck, whispering, “Have faith, I'm stronger now thanks to you, I'll see you in the morning. Happy birthday my beautiful boy.” With a final kiss, he rushes out of the room before Lan Zhan can change his mind.

That night the first domino falls, the direction of Wei Ying's path veers away from Lan Zhan, it's a painfully slow process for which Wei Ying cannot find an explanation.

Wei Ying is true to his word, he video chats with everyone except Huaisang late into the night, finally caving to his body's demand for sleep at two in the morning. By three he is falling into fire, his flesh burning from the inside out, screaming as he falls off his bed. The shock of the pain after weeks of peace triggers an intense panic attack, sensing he might pass out, he calls Lan Zhan multiple times only to be greeted by his voicemail. His final action is to text, a disjointed flow of words, fire, burns, fall, panic, no air, where are u?

No one ever answers. No one ever comes. He loses his battle for oxygen, no time to call anyone else, he passes out on the floor where he fell. By four in the morning, he is being stabbed from every angle by everyone he has ever loved, his body torn apart by hate and betrayal, his body wakes whimpering, too lifeless to scream. A glance at his phone confirms his fears, he is alone once more. It does not occur to his fuzzy brain to go to Lan Zhan, the empty phone screen hurts his heart with its clear message. Lan Zhan's not his person, Lan Zhan belongs to his family, just like his Jiang siblings. 

Somehow he stumbles to his studio, locking the door, dragging a dresser over to barricade himself inside. The darkness has no problem swirling in and out of his mind after his hellscape night, he might as well profit in some way, so he paints. Lining up all the canvasses left untouched after Lan Zhan took him home, his most disturbing playlist roars from his sound system, drowning out the noise of the real world. Removing Lan Zhan's powder blue sweatshirt, he attacks his art, armed only with his tattered jeans and shattered soul. He ignores his phone, the knocks and pounding on the door, the pleas for entrance, his need for food and water, he paints and he sculpts for two days. By eleven at night on Monday, it's done. He's exhausted, all emotions drained from his being, he wants to see his boyfriend. He doesn't want reasons or empty promises, he simply wants to slide back into his place, resting his head on Lan Zhan's strong shoulder, stealing his warmth. 

Shoving the dresser out of the way, cutting off the music, he unlocks the door, his goal a shower to remove the layers of paint from his body. The first thing he sees is Lan Zhan on his couch, eyes bloodshot and bruised, paler than usual, radiating pain and regret. His hungry eyes follow Wei Ying's every move, his words stuck in his throat, all his energy drained by the simple act of lifting his hand. Wei Ying is devastated to witness the damage he's caused to this proud dignified man, he'd cry if he had any tears left, all can offer is his hand. Hands clasped, Wei Ying falls into his arms, mumbling, “Shower, food, sleep, no more words.” There are no words that can erase the last few days.

Together they make their way back to Lan Zhan's bathroom, too numb to appreciate their nudity, they take turns washing the other's hair, washing and rinsing away what they can from the last two days. Barely able to lift his legs to put on clean boxers, Lan Zhan then imprisons him with the blow dryer, before heating leftover noodles which he inhales, Lan Zhan frowns at the amount of water he absorbs. On autopilot, they climb into bed, Wei Ying latching on to Lan Zhan, breathing in his sandalwood scent, locking his leg around his boyfriend's leg. They sleep, without moving, not waking until noon on Tuesday, not hearing the knock at the door, uncaring that both their phones are as dead to the world as them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning...we are entering the valley of angst, for their relationship to work, Lan Zhan has to learn to put Wei Ying first, before his family. Keep in mind they have only been together in this lifetime for a few weeks, while Lan Zhan has obeyed his family for twenty years. So don't be sad, in time, with painful growth and insights, a happy ending waits for these soulmates.


	22. A New Reality

The last three days have been a roller coaster of chaos for Lan Zhan, he is ready to exit the ride. Lying in bed Tuesday, holding a sleeping Wei Ying, he reviews the mess his life has become in such a short time. Saturday owns his last peaceful happy memories, shopping with Wei Ying, the amazing gift of the baby bunnies, even the unexpected party for his birthday, his first ever birthday party. 

Unfortunately his brother's arrival marks the end of the bright bubble he had been reveling in with Wei Ying. Looking back, he cannot be angry with his brother for demanding they spend the night together, the action that evoked his rage is that his brother turned off his phone without telling him. Knowing that Wei Ying had promised to call if he needed help, Lan Xichen still turned off Lan Zhan's phone. Wei Ying had needed help, and no one came. His worst fear confirmed, he must have felt that Lan Zhan had rejected and abandoned him. The worst part is Lan Zhan has been directed to not explain what happened on the night of his birthday, so he can only say his phone was off, which sounds pathetic even to his ears.

At first, Lan Zhan did not believe his brother's story about a mystical family phenomenon, that individuals with fated eternal soulmates have a moment of enlightenment at midnight on the day of their birth for their twenty-first year. For Lan Xichen, it had not been too intense since he and Nie Mingjue were already an item, and Mingjue had shared his own experience with Lan Xichen as he was older. Knowing what to expect, having his soulmate with him at midnight, these factors made Lan Xichen's enlightenment more of a celebration. Although Lan Xichen admits some of the memories from his past lives were devastating. It is different for Lan Zhan, which is why his brother felt the need to travel halfway across the world to be with him.

Lan Xichen's theory is that since Wei Ying is already battling nightmares linked to their past lives, it's too dangerous to overwhelm his mind with a fantastical tale of midnight soulmate enlightenment. The best course of action to safeguard Wei Ying's mental health is to wait until his own twenty-first birthday in October, when he will have a similar experience during which Lan Zhan can be with him for support. The down side of this plan is that it requires Lan Zhan to conceal crucial information from his boyfriend for nine months. What Lan Xichen did not factor into his thinking is the impact of Wei Ying's personal insecurities, such as his fear of abandonment, specifically by Lan Zhan.

To be honest, if he did share his experience with Wei Ying, he's not even sure what he would say, the entire night was a bizarre blur of joy, pain, confusion, and other emotions that slashed at Lan Zhan's heart and mind leaving him sobbing in his brother's arms. At the stroke of midnight, his mind went dark while the universe downloaded an entire file of memories, a conglomeration of all their lifetimes together, but the dominant one being linked to their time as cultivators in ancient China. Understanding is a double-edged sword, on one hand it's an affirmation of the connection he has with Wei Ying despite their differences, but it also allows him to comprehend the content of Wei Ying's nightmares. The falling, the darkness, flames burning him from the inside out, being torn apart by loved ones and betrayal, it's all part of their shared history. The memory that had broken Lan Zhan was Wei Ying's fall from the cliff, the disbelief and heartache of the moment tearing him apart all over again. Lan Xichen had offered to listen to his memories, to help shoulder his burden, but he rejected the idea, the only person he wanted to tell was Wei Ying. But after a lifetime of heeding his brother's advice, Lan Zhan agrees to remain silent.

At some point he had been swept away by the darkness, sinking into a restorative slumber, unaware that Wei Ying was suffering just next door. As soon as he discovered his phone off, he turned it on, racing to Wei Ying's room, but he was too late. Angry music blared from behind the locked door of his studio, and no matter how hard he knocked or called out, he remained shut out. He tried texting, calling, begging, nothing worked. In the end, he had sent his brother and Mingjue away, their presence would only agitate and isolate Wei Ying. He spent all day Sunday and Monday on Wei Ying's couch, meditating on all of his new memories, trying to mentally update his operating system, desperate to adjust to his new reality. A reality without Wei Ying as a fully informed partner for the next nine months. This is the stumbling block he cannot overcome, their relationship is still so new, how will it survive almost a year of lying by omission on his part. 

Unused to abuse, his body complained loudly about the lack of food and rest, but his heart refused to budge without Wei Ying. So he sat, bleary eyed, heartbroken, reflecting and waiting until late Monday night he heard the sound of furniture being moved. His first sight of Wei Ying sent him spiraling along a timeline of love and loss, his emotions magnified by his recent revelations regarding their destiny. It took all his strength to lift his hand, relief flooded his body when Wei Ying didn't reject him. Now that he has him back in his arms, he needs a path forward that will keep him there.

Gazing down, Lan Zhan is startled to find somber gray eyes paired with a contemplative expression, Wei Ying's voice is subdued, “If you have something to say, do it now, once we get up, I don't want to look back.”

Lan Zhan wants nothing more than to close his eyes, blocking out the hurt etched on Wei Ying's face, instead he says what he can, “I did not know they turned my phone off until the next morning, I'm very sorry Wei Ying, I hate that you were alone.”

Resignation clouds Wei Ying's eyes, the windows to his soul are foggy, “Is there anything else you want to share with me?”

Lan Zhan can only shake his head, a lie without words, because there is so much more he wants to tell his boyfriend.

A sigh of frustration escapes Wei Ying before he ends the exchange, “Lan Zhan, do you still want to be with me? If you've changed your mind, tell me now, I don't want to be hurt.”

This he can answer honestly, taking hold of Wei Ying, attempting to kiss away his frown, Lan Zhan affirms, “Yes, I want Wei Ying, please don't go.”

Wei Ying returns his kisses, acceptance reflected in his eyes, “Where would I go? I want to be wherever you are, always. But only as long as you want me, otherwise, I'm just a burden.”

“You are not a burden, I want you here, always, not just when you need my help. Please believe this is true.” Lan Zhan holds him close, trying to convey his feelings, from all his lifetimes. The thought of losing him is unbearable.

“I guess that's it, then, let's get started with our day, you need to catch up on your classwork and I need to arrange a meeting with Professor Song.” Wei Ying no longer sounds sad, but he seems like a deflated balloon, still afloat but just barely.

They rely on their routine, dressing, making a late lunch, cleaning up, parting ways when Lan Zhan has a class to attend. Later they will reunite, fix dinner, and work side by side in a familiar silence before retiring for the evening. If something is off kilter, neither of them mentions it, neither of them wants to risk rocking the boat. Both agree together is better than apart, so for now they will accept what they can get.


	23. Secrets

The next three days are fine. Just fine. That becomes Wei Ying’s go-to answer for anyone who asks how things are going, fine. Lan Zhan is even more tender, loving and attentive, most of their school schedule centers around Lan Zhan’s programs as Wei Ying’s course work is almost complete. Apart from Professor Xiao’s class, Wei Ying will have a large amount of free time to manage until summer arrives. He postpones brainstorming ways to consume this extra time until after his weekend visitors. 

Unfortunately, the constant white elephant in the room is Lan Zhan’s reticence regarding sharing what happened on his birthday night with his brother. The entire dilemma is bittersweet, Wei Ying registers a deeper connection originating with Lan Zhan, which makes his refusal to trust Wei Ying with whatever he is hiding all the more upsetting. 

After their class Wednesday morning, Wei Ying decides to show Lan Zhan his mural, even though his enthusiasm for the reveal has faded. Walking towards the music building, Lan Zhan grabs hold of his hand, clinging tightly as if to keep him from running away. Which seems humorous to Wei Ying, when it’s common knowledge he is dependent on his boyfriend’s good grace if he wants to sleep at night to retain his sanity. Even in light of the recent setbacks, he cares for Lan Zhan, he wants this to work. So he doesn’t comment on Lan Zhan’s death grip, or the flashes of panic and pain that dart across his features like lightning ever since Wei Ying emerged from his studio Monday night. 

Playing by their new rule book of keeping things light and pretending the elephant is not there, Wei Ying initiates small talk, “So, I’m meeting with Professor Song about my independent paired project while you’re in class. Do you want to share a late lunch when you get home?”

Obviously distracted by other thoughts, Lan Zhan limits his reply to, “Mn.”

Fine. Everything is just fine. If they don’t talk, they can’t fight, if they don’t fight, they won’t break up. Wei Ying’s frustration with this cycle of passing time simmers under the surface, but he doesn’t say a word. When they enter the music building lobby, he slips his hand away from Lan Zhan to pull down the tarps, withholding eye direct contact while he removes the tape from the tarp so he can fold it neatly. Lan Zan is left to approach the mural on his own, standing stoically as he studies the different landscapes Wei Ying has portrayed from his dreams. Originally, Wei Ying’s excitement to share the mural the Sunday after Lan Zhan’s birthday was to confess his love and explain how special the scenes were to Wei Ying because they provided comfort in his nightmares. He wanted to tell Lan Zhan that recently he was there with Wei Ying, in the field of bunnies under the bright blue sky. Such revelations ring hollow with the current state of their mutual trusts, so he says nothing. 

Lan Zhan’s misery threatens to swallow him whole, gazing at landscapes so familiar, scenes from his ancestral home at Cloud Recesses. His heart aches to share with Wei Ying their history, the importance these places hold for them both. It’s clear Wei Ying senses he’s keeping secrets, that he’s confused by the change in Lan Zhan’s behavior. It’s terrifying to imagine Wei Ying walking away, leaving them both in darkness. With his memories restored, Lan Zhan realizes his world will never be the same, life without Wei Ying is not an option. So he just stares at the mural, biting his tongue, failing to prevent the tears gathering in his eyes from falling.

Losing patience with the Lan Zhan’s lack of a reaction, Wei Ying moves to confront him, taken aback by his tears. It’s impossible for Wei Ying to be stern with his boyfriend, so he wraps him in his arms, “Oh my beautiful boy, let’s pretend these are tears of joy.” Impulsively he throws his truth out there, wanting to be vulnerable with this man. “These are the places I found refuge in my nightmares, towards the end, you would randomly be there with me.”

Lan Zhan whispers, “It’s perfect, Wei Ying.”

Disappointment fills Wei Ying’s empty spaces, he’s not sure what he wanted Lan Zhan to say, but the certainty that his honest thoughts are being withheld makes him sad. Everything is just fine. “Thank you, Lan Zhan. You should head to class, I know you have a practice session schedule as well. I’ll see you at home.”

Lan Zhan watches his soulmate walk towards the door, his somber mood like a wisp of smoke circling around him. Hiding behind his own icy mask, Lan Zhan wills his feet to move, a lifetime of self control driving him to attend to his responsibilities. His only desire to complete his obligations so he can return to Wei Ying.

Professor Xiao is with Professor Song at the appointed conference time, outside Wei Ying’s residence. Pushing the issues with Lan Zhan to the back of his mind, Wei Ying strives to focus on concluding this independent art study by reviewing his work with Professor Song. Previously he was reluctant to expose his darker work to anyone outside his inner circle, but with his present frame of mind he relishes peeling back the layers of his nightmare hellscape self. Perhaps a visual field trip of how very desolate his life was just a few weeks ago will make it easier to live with the downgraded version of his relationship.

Professor Song assumes the lead as they enter the studio, where Wei Ying has arranged his paired sculptures and painting for display. He produced more than double the quantity of work required, evidence of the state of his life during that period. The first pair is the sculpture of a man’s head being split in half by the darkness, paired with a painting of a figure falling with the darkness overwhelming him. The next pair is the sculpture of a man engulfed in flames, with the painting of a man burning from the inside out. The overall visual is dark, slashes of red with swirls of black. Finally, there is the series of three canvases he created the weekend he was found on the roof. Both men appear entranced, mesmerized by the pain and agony so evident in the art.

Professor Xiao is the first to speak, “How did the visit with Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue go? I hope it provided some relief for you.”

That’s the last thing Wei Ying expected to hear in connection with his artwork, so he merely nods with a “Mn,” which seems to work for Lan Zhan. Referring to the outline for independent art study, Wei Ying poses the closing inquiry to Professor Song, “What is your impression of the work? What can I clarify or expand upon for you?”

The professor’s eyes are laser beams that cut Wei Ying to the core, he lacks the softer edges of his husband, “If the nightmares have stopped, what became of the resentful energy? Do you think it retains the power to come back?”

Having nothing to hide, Wei Ying is honest, “It’s a permanent part of me, at present it has lost power in the presence of Lan Zhan.”

Professor Song persists, “So what happens when you and Lan Zhan part ways?”

“If that’s our fate, then you’ve already experienced what will become of me. What would you be like if you lost your husband?” Wei Ying throws the ball back in his court.

“Dead. I would self destruct, leaving our child an orphan, a black hole of grief. Such is the nature of soulmates I suppose, but surely Lan Wangji conveyed this message.” Professor Song’s voice lacks inflection, regardless of what he is stating.

Professor Xiao interjects with his usual optimism, “Such hypotheticals are ridiculous, now that he’s enlightened, what could ever cause Lan Zhan to abandon Wei Ying? Just as nothing can separate me from my husband. Wei Ying, your art is very powerful, thank you for letting me view it.”

Wei Ying’s confusion has tripled, but he only wants answers from Lan Zhan. “Professor Song, I will submit a photographic portfolio of my work, along with my notes, do you need anything else from me to conclude the process?”

“That will do,” with those words one more academic responsibility is resolved.

Professor Xiao appears conflicted, but remains silent, smiling reassuringly as he follows his husband out of Wei Ying’s home. After the couple disappear into the woods, Wei Ying dissects the comments that demand further analysis, such as soulmates, enlightenment, and resentful energy. Not to mention that the couple implied Lan Xichen’s visit should have benefited Wei Ying in some way, perhaps including these terms. On one hand, it magnifies his awareness of his own ignorance, and on the other hand, it gives him key terms to guide his pursuit for knowledge. Wei Ying’s first instinct is to pounce on Lan Zhan and torture him until he explains everything, but his more perverse nature requires he wait for Lan Zhan to demonstrate trust in him. If his boyfriend can’t trust him, they are doomed. So he waits.

He waits all day Wednesday and Thursday, as they follow their routine, sprinkling in time to love on the bunnies. He waits while they cuddle on the couch and kiss before sleeping. He waits during their daily walks and discussion for Professor Xiao’s class. By Friday afternoon, he stops waiting. His siblings and friends are due to arrive within the hour, he has spent the last few days texting like crazy in excitement. He has blocked Huaisang, unwilling to unpack that pain while so many other things are unsettled. The petulant child that dwells in Wei Ying is tired of waiting, so he closes the door on that endeavor, determined instead to celebrate his loved ones. If Lan Zhan is willing to put their relationship second to his secrets, then Wei Ying has no problem making his guests a priority.


	24. Perspectives

Dread permeates Lan Zhan’s entire being, it’s clear to him with his new understanding that Wei Ying translates Lan Zhan withholding part of himself as rejection, perhaps even a change of heart about pursuing a relationship. For days his agony has been traveling the tightrope between him and the man he loves, eager to give whatever he demands to affirm his affections, anything except his secret. If he was losing the fight when only the two of them were on the battlefield, what chance does he have for survival when four more soldiers appear to wage war for Wei Ying? Lan Xichen sent texts inquiring on how the matter is progressing, but Lan Zhan’s bitterness kept his replies terse and uninformative. 

One consolation is Wei Ying’s intention to continue sharing his bed. Wei Ying’s residence is prepared to host the four guests, the women in his room and the men on the couch and a futon. Wei Ying’s exhilaration at spending the weekend with his “people”, his term of endearment, has him bouncing off the walls. Lan Zhan is ashamed to admit, even to himself, that he wishes he was the focal point of Wei Ying’s joy and enthusiasm, while also acknowledging his own choice has banished him from the place of honor. 

Lan Zhan offered to cook for his guests, but Wei Ying had politely declined, inferring they have sleepover traditions that require take out food, which they will pick up on the way. Not to mention alcohol, which Lan Zhan will pretend to ignore, as it violates campus rules. They will be arriving tonight, and leaving Sunday morning, so his torment has a short lifespan, surely he can persevere for two nights and a day. 

Despite the cold January night, Wei Ying is wandering the woods around their homes, stalking his guests. He permitted Lan Zhan to bundle him into warm clothes, including a scarf the engulfs half his face, with only his sparkling silver eyes peeking out above the soft material. A shrill squeal alerts him to their presence, he steps out the door in time to witness Wei Ying fling himself into the arms of a lovely young woman. A sharp pain stabs at Lan Zhan’s heart, stealing his breath for a moment, scattering his thoughts. It occurs to him that his only context for Wei Ying has been as a lonely soul suffering a nightmare in need of help, Lan Zhan’s help. Observing him as the object of affection for others, with no need for Lan Zhan, is disturbing in ways Lan Zhan does not wish to analyze. 

“A-Jie, it’s been a thousand years since I last saw you! I missed you sooooo much!” The change is his address of Yanli is new, the night they decided to brand themselves with a lotus, to bind them as siblings, she demanded he act as if he was her biological brother from now on. He insists on maintaining his favored Didi for his younger brother, mostly because it annoys him.

Love drips from Yanli’s words, “XianXian, I missed you too! My little brother is too far away! I need your hugs all weekend to fill up my heart!” He burrows further into her hug, while Lan Zhan stands stiffly to the side.

A hand smacks Wei Ying on the back of the head, rough words follow, “Hey, asshole! Give her some space to breathe, why do you have to be this way???” Lan Zhan does not appreciate this method of communication, his icy expression must convey his thoughts, but the other man doesn’t back down.

Wei Ying just laughs whole heartedly, “Ahhhhhh, is my Didi jealous? Don’t worry, there’s plenty of love to go around!” As he’s making his declaration, he’s moving rapidly closer to Jiang Cheng before tackling him in a full body grip that ends with both of them rolling on the ground. 

“Uggghh! Get off me before I break both your legs,” to those familiar with their brotherly routine, they hear how happy he is to be with his brother again.

Wen Ning breaks up the ruckus by extending a hand to Wei Ying, pulling him up directly into a bear hug, “I miss you.” That says it all, after enjoying Wei Ying living on his couch for months, his absence is like the Grand Canyon in the middle of their lives.

Wen Qing stands sedately next to Yanli, casting her silent judgment of their childish antics. Wei Ying smiles sheepishly her way when her little brother eventually lets go, “It’s good to see you, Wen Qing, you’ll be happy to know I’m sleeping and eating three meals a day like a good little boy.”

She nods towards Lan Zhan, who is a statue on the sidelines of Wei Ying’s life, “I’ll thank your new man for that later.”

Something odd passes over Wei Ying’s face, too quickly for analysis, but obvious enough to be noticed. Wei Ying pastes a smile on his face, sliding his hand into Lan Zhan’s, making introductions, “Everyone, meet Lan Zhan, the angel that’s been keeping me alive.” His tone is warm, his words sweet, and Lan Zhan hates everything about it. It’s as if someone stole his original work of art and left behind a mass production print, the same image but no longer one-of-a-kind.

He realizes it’s his turn to speak, he has never excelled at friendships, so he resorts to the formality with which he grew up, “Welcome to Gusu University and our home, I hope you enjoy your stay.”

Yanli is the only one receptive to such stiff language, she’s spent enough time with her uppity partner. “Thank you for having us and for taking care of Wei Ying when we could not, he means the world to us.”

Wei Ying rewards her words by flinging himself back into her arms, she hugs him tightly while Jiang Cheng groans in annoyance. Their little caravan retrieves their luggage and sleepover supplies from the distant parking lot, the artwork will wait until Saturday when help is available. The rest of the evening is consumed by loud laughter, exaggerated stories, video games they saw fit to bring with them and so much alcohol paired with junk food. Lan Zhan excuses himself at nine to retire for the evening, Wei Ying crawls into bed much later without a word.

Saturday morning is quiet, everyone sleeping like the dead, rather than follow their routine Wei Ying crawled back under the covers. Lan Zhan does his best to meditate, eat a light breakfast and focus on his school work. A light knock at the door reveals Jiang Yanli, who joins him for a cup of tea, her conversation light and undemanding. She is the easiest for Lan Zhan to be around, her energy is peaceful and kind. When a cry comes out from his room, she does not hesitate to locate her brother, offering comfort. Lan Zhan tells himself he is not jealous, that it is only for a few days and then their world will return to schedule.

Professor Xiao and Professor Song arrive around ten to assist with transporting his vast collection of artwork to his studio. Wei Ying chases away the thoughts circling his brain like vultures, shouting that this is senseless, he’s just going to have to find a new home for his things when Lan Zhan finally confesses he’s changed his mind. Apparently Wei Ying’s baggage is too much to carry, even for the super perfect human who is his boyfriend. Biting his tongue to trap the darkness inside, he races around organizing the work as it appears. Lan Zhan does his best to help without getting in the way, when all Wei Ying craves is for him to insert himself to bring order to the chaos as he did in the beginning. 

The afternoon flies by as Wei Ying gives them a tour of the campus, highlighting his mural and set designs. Grabbing a bite in the cafe, they run into Professor Song who suggests they stop by the art building to view Wei Ying’s paired artwork. Not thrilled with the idea, Wei Ying is overruled by his loved ones who believe they are demonstrating their support for his work. He trails after the small group like a car speeding towards an oncoming train, unable to pull the emergency break. To make matters worse, Lan Zhan magically pops out of nowhere to take part in the big reveal. It occurs to Wei Ying that his boyfriend never saw the finished project since he was in class and Wei Ying was in the process of drowning in disillusionment. Great, now everyone in his life can study in-depth his life turned inside out. 

If he’s honest with himself, which he avoids as much as possible, the state of his inner being hasn’t evolved a great deal in the last few weeks. At first sleep and food restored his body, but his heart and soul were just engaging baby steps towards healing when he dared to hope Lan Zhan might be his person. In record time, the rug was ripped out from beneath him, further evidence that the problem must originate with him. His siblings love him, but are bound by blood to their ancestry, preventing them from putting him first without a price he would never let them pay. The Wens call him family, but Wen Qing’s universe is centered around her little brother, first and foremost, a phenomenon Wei Ying will protect with his life. He has always known his best friend was dedicated to his mysterious existence in China, no matter how far he went over the years to keep Wei Ying alive, not that it matters now. It’s selfish to expect anyone to love him enough to put him first, it’s an obsession from his childhood issues with abandonment, this drive to find a place where he belongs. He knows he’s lucky to have these magnificent people in his life, including Lan Zhan, and for everyone’s sake it’s crucial he close the door on wishing for more.

Excusing himself to the restroom, he turns down a side hall, not prepared just yet to enter the art exhibit that is being constructed to feature independent art projects. He has avoided inspecting the staging of his work, fearful facing the images will catapult him back into the darkness and flames. Irrational, he knows, but since when is his perception valid. Admitting defeat after five minutes of deep breathing, he shuffles into the exhibit, looking anywhere but at his work, presently being digested by his “people.” To his own detriment, he mindlessly gravitates toward Lan Zhan, not withdrawing when he clasps his hand tightly, quickly glancing at his face to discover tears. 

The impact of Wei Ying’s work, the content of his nightmares emphasized by the placement and lighting, is devastating. Lan Zhan immediately recognizes the pieces he finished during the two days he barricaded himself in his studio after Lan Zhan’s birthday. His heart breaks anew, the sensation of being powerless is unacceptable, but a solution evades him. He can only hold tight to Wei Ying when he joins them, not caring that his tears are obvious. 

Wen Qing’s question threatens to bring his fragile shell of denial crashing down, “Professor Song, when did Wei Ying finish this project?”

“Four days ago,” his factual reply sends four pairs of eyes his way, rooting Wei Ying and Lan Zhan in place.

Wie Ying reacts by doing what he does best, loudly proclaiming, “Amazing, right! All my classes are complete except for Professor Xiao’s, leaving me sooooo much free time this semester.” Exiting the space, dragging a speechless Lan Zhan behind him, he transitions seamlessly to chattering about his plans for their last night together. 

His monologue continues until they settle in Wei Ying’s living room, Lan Zhan situating Wei Ying in his lap, his arms steel bands around his boyfriend. Jiang Yanli orders pizza for delivery before taking her seat, Jiang Cheng initiates dialogue, “What the fuck, Wei Ying! You said it was under control.” Turning to Lan Zhan, he shows no fear, “And you, Mr. Angel, where were you when all this went down?”

Yanli puts a hand on Jiang Cheng’s arm, smiling gently at Lan Zhan, her soft words intended for Wei Ying, “A-Xian, we are worried.”

He’s quick to put the issue to bed, “Don’t be, there was a misunderstanding, Lan Zhan didn’t know, it’s over and honestly the silver lining is I finished my project. Even if I wasn’t okay, the city wasn’t working, so my only option is to make it work here. Lan Zhan takes good care of me, I haven’t been this stable in almost two years, everything is fine. Let’s not spoil our last night together dwelling on trauma no one can erase.”

Jiang Cheng grunts, “So much drama! He says he’s fine, put on Harry Potter, it’s his favorite, time to start the sleepover.” 

A crass laugh erupts out of Wei Ying, “Didi, did you seriously just suggest a movie about an orphan trying to find his place in the world, instead being tortured by a dark lord with the end goal of death?”

Wen Qing makes a noise that sounds like a strangled laugh, it’s painful to hear, “If the shoe fits, Wei Ying, it sounds perfect.” 

So the evening passes in a blur of pizza, beer, Hogwarts and an unspoken agreement not to discuss serious matters. Drained by the last few days, Wei Ying seeks out the tranquility of Lan Zhan’s bed much earlier than the night before. On autopilot he showers and prepares to crash, wearing only his boxers, he melts into his sleeping pose, a blanket for Lan Zhan. When a strong arm moves to rest on the small of his back, his stress evaporates, pressing kisses to Lan Zhan’s neck, he curls into his boyfriend’s warmth and rests.

Sunday morning is bittersweet, he’s sad to say goodbye to his people, but relishes a return to the structured schedule of his life with Lan Zhan. It doesn’t require him to think, just do. Their departure is a whirlwind of hugs and tears, promises to keep in touch and commands to take care of himself. 

Wei Ying wanders into Lan Zhan’s living room, smiling when he finds Lan Zhan reading on the couch, a scenario so familiar it comforts him. Too exhausted for words, Wei Ying falls onto the couch, his head resting in Lan Zhan’s lap. Instinctually Lan Zhan begins to comb his fingers through his waves, removing his ponytail to massage his scalp. Both men sigh, releasing their pent up tension in unison. Wei Ying’s last thought is that if this is enough, if nothing changes, this has to be enough.


	25. It's Not Enough

The weeks after his family and friends leave are difficult, the stability of their schedule creates a facade of serenity, but underneath the tranquil waters is a riptide waiting to pull him under. With every kindness, tender touch, caring comment, Wei Ying’s resolve to accept his half-truth as enough weakens. Instead of viewing Lan Zhan’s actions as authentic and sincere like before, now they appear as bribes intended to convince Wei Ying that secrets are okay. The dark side of his soul shouts if secrets are okay for Lan Zhan, then the same holds true for Wei Ying, only he has no desire to block his beautiful boy from any part of his life. Therein lies the imbalance, a see saw that threatens to catapult his heart, shattering what’s left of it into a million pieces.  
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so Wei Ying seizes every opportunity to encourage Lan Zhan to talk to him, to tell him the truth of that night. Each attempt is met with an impenetrable wall, and a loving action, dipped in guilt. It doesn’t help that Wei Ying has so much time to contemplate the situation, with all but one of his classes complete, he’s begun stopping by Professor Xiao’s office to assist with grading or just chat. 

A few days before Valentine’s Day, Wei Ying finds himself on his couch, his energy depleted, his will to be productive missing in action. He spends his days in his own home, a minor rebellion that Lan Zhan probably doesn’t even notice. The weight of his growing depression weighs him down, the familiar cloud distorts his mind, the detachment a blessing for once. Slowly his eyelids droop down as his body sinks into the pile of blankets, his last coherent thought being the hope that Valentine’s day might be a turning point for them. At first, he’s in the field of bunnies with Lan Zhan, fluffy white clouds floating across the bright blue sky, they rest under a tree with his head in Lan Zhan’s lap. But before long, the earth under them starts to rumble, cracks appearing to widen until a section caves in, flames and black smoke seething from the below to enfold Wei Ying in their embrace. He is hauled away, kicking and screaming, begging Lan Zhan to trust him with the truth, but his boyfriend stands frozen as he is swallowed by hell. 

Screams welcome Lan Zhan home, his bookbag forgotten on the path, he dashes towards Wei Ying’s cries, frantic. Bursting through the door, his eyes register the details of the scene, Wei Ying is perched on the edge of the couch, his head between his legs gasping for air. Lan Zhan cautiously settles next to him, rubbing his back without speaking, gradually he regains his ability to inhale and exhale. However, to Lan Zhan’s horror, his quiet tears intensify to sobs that wrack this slender frame, thankfully he allows Lan Zhan to shelter him with his body. Totally overwhelmed, Lan Zhan carries Wei Ying back to their shared bedroom, lying down beside him in their bed, curling his body around him until sleep reclaims him. While Wei Ying sleeps, Lan Zhan plays tug of war with his mind, opposing perspectives at war. Is Lan Xichen correct, will knowing the memories of their lifetimes push Wei Ying’s fragile hold on his mind over the edge? Or could the memories strengthen his hold by shining a light on the meaning of everything? Lan Zhan fears a day will come when the power of choice is taken from him, which means losing Wei Ying, his own personal nightmare. Whatever choice he makes, Wei Ying risks paying the price.

A few hours later Wei Ying stirs, content to soak in the bath Lan Zhan prepares for him, then sedately following their dinner routine, making an effort to eat part of his meal. Silence shelters both of them, each too broken to gamble on the pain words might inflict. Lan Zhan puts a movie on his laptop to distract Wei Ying, who sits curled in his lap, accepting the hand that soothes his hair and back. A single kiss ends the day before Lan Zhan tucks them both in, grateful for the oblivion of night.

Their schedule reigns supreme the next day, still neither of them refer to the nightmare. While Lan Zhan has class, Wei Ying spends time with Professor Xiao, who he is pretty positive received a call from Lan Zhan. Swapping one babysitter for another, this is his life now. Rapping on the professor’s office door, he enters when he hears the cheerful voice call out. Swinging the door open, he grandly announces himself, “Your favorite student has arrived!”  
Professor Xiao looks up from his desk, a smile shines on Wei Ying, “How did you guess!? Don’t tell the others, the university frowns on favoritism.”

Sprawling in the empty seat, his words are sincere, “Honestly, it’s not a stretch to call you family, there’s a connection between us that I trust.”

Professor Xiao stares intensely at Wei Ying before challenging Wei Ying, “What if we are family? What are your beliefs in past lives?”

“The concept is cool, but I can hardly handle this lifetime, if my nightmares are an indicator of others then I’m not interested.” Wei Ying has considered that his nightmares are unwanted leftovers, but that train of thought held no solutions.

Professor Xiao persists, “What if learning the whole story lessened the impact of these isolated darker events? Knowledge is power, what if I tell you that we were related in ancient China when cultivators ruled the land? That my husband is my soulmate, that we share memories from our lifetimes together, and those memories are the glue that binds us.”

“I’d ask how you found each other, did the memories lead you to one another?” Wei Ying loves a good story.

“The memories only reveal themselves once soulmates are reunited, it would be unbearable otherwise, better to grasp what you’re missing. It was an extreme process, but well worth it.” A reflective smile reflects the man’s love for his partner.

Wei Ying is warming up to the plot, “Okay, so you meet this hot guy, fall in love, and then what, just POW!, lightning strikes and your memories magically show up?”

The professor laughs, “That’s not too far from the truth, it’s a fate thing, you have to meet before you’re twenty-one for the magic to cooperate. But it is like lightning, painful and disorienting, an overload of sensory data crammed into your entire being. It’s not just images, but smells that evoke feelings, touch attached to specific moments, habits, heartbreak and joy. Thankfully Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue were able to prepare Lan Zhan, having been through it themselves. I’m sure it’s been a challenge for you both to adjust, especially with Lan Zhan favoring control over all aspects of his life. I take it he hasn’t shared specifics yet.”

Wei Ying’s wide eyes answer for him, “That’s why Lan Xichen demanded Lan Zhan be alone with him that night? Why he turned Lan Zhan’s phone off without permission?”

“Yes,” Professor Xiao is upset, “They failed to explain what happened to you?”

Wei Ying can’t stop his tears, regardless of how crazy it all sounds, it gives him a context for the last three miserable weeks of his life. “All I know is he doesn’t trust me enough to share his secret, I’m not subtle, I’ve practically begged him to come clean. He just increases his attention trying to make me feel better. I hate it.”

“I would too,” the professor doesn’t insult him by excusing actions he can’t endorse.

Wei Ying wipes his face with his sleeve, technically Lan Zhan’s sleeve, the fluffy blue cardigan, “Wait! Does that mean I’m his soulmate? Did he have the memory thing happen since we met before his twenty-first birthday? If I didn’t come here, would we have never met? He would never remember?”

“That’s what I’ve been told about the phenomenon, there’s no real way to test the theory. Wei Ying, how can I help you?” Professor Xiao’s words are kind.

Thinking on his feet, Wei Ying formulates a plan, never an optimist where his good fortune is concerned, he plans for the worst case scenario, “Don’t mention this conversation, and if Valentine’s Day blows up in my face, give me a ride to town the next morning, allow me to finish your class remotely. I will need to be with my family and friends.”

Professor Xiao puts a hand on his shoulder, nodding, “You can trust me, Wei Ying. Lan Xichen may be an old friend, but you are my family. I will clear my schedule for the morning of the 15th, you need only text.”


	26. Crossroads

Wei Ying devotes the rest of the day to a pair of paintings for Lan Zhan, each features their hands, Lan Zhan’s wrist decorated with Wei Ying’s red ribbon, while Lan Zhan’s pristine white Lan ribbon is tied with a bow on Wei Ying’s wrist. The first painting features the field of bunnies as a background, with their hands clasped firmly, finger interlocked securely. Flames and darkness overwhelm the second painting, with their fingers reaching towards one another in desperation, denied contact like how nightmares only attack him when Lan Zhan is absent. At first his intention was to gift him with the painting that parallels their Valentine’s Day, Lan Zhan’s reaction to Wei Ying’s final demand for the truth. However, both paintings symbolize their brief life-altering journey together, they balance each other. He leaves them to dry, locking his studio door, he will wrap them in the morning. 

His next order of business is to pack a bag, prepare for the worst, hope for the best, it’s his life motto. Turning off the lights, he seeks Lan Zhan’s company, he can love the man and still hate the deception, he just can’t plan a life on that sort of foundation. His self-esteem is too low to coexist with any form of rejection in his romantic partner. A bizarre calm floods his system, the professor is correct that knowledge is power. The idea that Lan Zhan is his soulmate, is a strange sort of treasure he secures in his heart. Unaware of the late hour, time flies when he’s painting, he is pleasantly surprised to discover him reading in bed looking adorable in his pajamas and reading glasses. 

After a super fast shower and nightly rituals, he slips on a pair of Lan Zhan’s boxers and slides between the covers. His shortened timeline influences his actions, removing the glasses and placing the marker in his book for him, Wei Ying sets the items on the nightstand. Turning the lamp off, darkness hides the agony lurking in Wei Ying’s gray eyes. With no promise of another night, he launches a campaign to kick off Valentine’s day a bit early. Some stubborn part of his self-preservation won’t allow him to confess his love aloud as long as the secret stands between them, but he does his damndest to convey his emotions without words. Spring Break still stands as the time they intend to devote to advancing to full blown sex, it’s Wei Ying’s goal to experiment with everything inbetween kissing and sex before then. Lan Zhan’s moans and growls indicate Wei Ying’s is making progress. It’s officially Valentine’s Day when they collapse in a heap of tangled limbs, asleep in seconds.

Lan Zhan’s morning is not going according to schedule, and for once he doesn’t care. Last night was amazing, a wild Wei Ying expanded his understanding of the pleasure his body is capable of generating. He woke late, took a long shower and indulged in an extended meditation session before starting Wei Ying’s preferred breakfast of pancakes and bacon. The stress of the last few weeks is pushed from his mind as he focuses on making this day all about Wei Ying, his hopes are high after last night.

He sets the breakfast tray on the coffee table, before scooping a cuddly Wei Ying from the bed, to settle on the couch with blankets wrapped around his boyfriend. Blinking his eyes, his nose sniffing the air, a smile blooms on Wei Ying’s face. “Bacon? Pancakes? Coffee? Breakfast in your arms on the couch? Have I died and gone to heaven?”

A laugh fights its way out Lan Zhan’s chest, sealed with a series of kisses, “No, Happy Valentine’s Day.”  
A Rom-Com plays on the laptop as Lan Zhan feeds Wei Ying breakfast, stashing the dishes when he refills the coffee and brews himself tea, he returns to cuddling on the couch. By the second movie the bunnies have joined their love fest, their phones stay in the bedroom, turned off. The next stop on the love train is a bubble bath, Wei Ying is sticky from his late night endeavor. Lan Zhan slips behind him, spoiling him in every way possible, perfectly aware that his boyfriend thrives on attention. A stroll in the woods swinging their hands clasped together is reminiscent of walks in the beginning of their journey. The afternoon is a musical affair, Lan Zhan performs an original work for Wei Ying that brings him to tears, and they lose themselves in duets until it’s dinner time. Lan Zhan looks perplexed before admitting, “I visited the best restaurants in town, but I decided on a candle light dinner with dancing at home, selfishly I want you to myself.”

“Yes, Lan Zhan, I hate to share,” he steps into his arms, kissing his way up his boyfriend’s sensitive neck.

Chili-oil appears with the stirfry, an airy light confection for dessert, and a lovely bottle of wine for Wei Ying. Kitchen clean, Wei Ying lays down the law, “Dancing requires bunny pajamas, we must change Lan Zhan, immediately.”

So they do. Classic ballads from the previous decades echo across the room as Lan Zhan sways to the beat with Wei Ying in his arms. Wei Ying opens the dialogue, “Thank you for a wonderful day, my beautiful boy.”

Lan Zhan kisses his temple, assuring him, “You deserve good things.”

“Is that why I have you? You’re the best of all things,” Wei Ying must find a smooth segue to request the truth from Lan Zhan, a final stand on the mountain top of their bond, trying not to be distressed by the possibility of falling off the cliffs ahead.

Red ears give away Lan Zhan’s state, “It’s why we are together, all the best things come from us being together.” He bestows a kiss so gentle and tender on Wei Ying that his hope soars.

Unable to wait any further, Wei Ying skips testing the waters, opting instead to throw himself in the deep end, “The best thing about being together is having someone you trust to know everything, total transparency, without fear.”

The only response from Lan Zhan is a pause in his dance steps, along with a tensing of his spine. Silence cannot shelter him this time, but he wallows in self-denial, leaning into trail kisses across Wei Ying’s face.

Stepping back takes every ounce of his self-will, turning off the music, Wei Ying holds Lan Zhan’s gaze, holding him hostage, “I won’t ask again, Lan Zhan, will you tell me what happened the night of your birthday? Will you tell me your secret?”

Golden eyes fill with anguish, his desire to let his words flow collides with his brother’s advice in favor of caution and his own fear of doing the wrong thing. The tension is thick in the room, Wei Ying is not backing down, but Lan Zhan cannot move forward. Why can’t they stay in the joy of this day, spend more time taking care of one another, shutting out the world. Too late, Lan Zhan realizes he spoke his thoughts out loud.

A weary sigh does not bode well for Wei Ying’s next words, “Okay, I won’t ask again, but don’t pretend you're taking care of me by shutting me out, Lan Zhan. That just makes me part of the world, not your life.” Wei Ying turns the music back on and pushes his pain aside so he can steal a few more dances to tide him over on lonely nights. Lan Zhan stays speechless, molding his body to Wei Ying’s, eventually dancing him into the bedroom.

They end the day a light series of kisses before curling into their sleeping positions, Wei Ying’s head on Lan Zhan’s chest, arms and legs flung over the other man like a koala. Somehow they both manage to sleep, Lan Zhan to escape the tear in his heart, and Wei Ying because he suspects it’s the last night he will sleep for a long while.

The next morning, Wei Ying counts on his reputation for sleeping late to send Lan Zhan off to his classes without pulling him from under the covers. A whisper soft kiss brushes over the top of his head, his tone loving, “Have a good day, my love.”

Impersonating a very sad zombie, Wei Ying exits the bed while sending a text, he gathers his bathroom things, abandons his own clothes in favor of stealing his favorites from Lan Zhan’s closet and drawers. Arms full, he retreats to his studio, stuffing his things in the bag, grabbing his technology and art bag, he leaves his things on the couch so he can move the two paintings to Lan Zhan’s bedroom, with the note he wrote to say good-bye for a time.

Submitting to his tears, unwilling to smile his pain away this time, he pulls on the fluffy blue cardigan and his softest stolen scarf, hauling his bags out the door, not looking back. His pace quickens, fueled by the soul wrenching need to get lost in New York City, to bury the version of himself that might accept with gratitude any part of himself Lan Zhan will share. Somehow his inner counselor understands that throwing himself on the sword of rejection daily would become a larger threat to his sanity and life than the nightmares. 

Without words, he climbs in the professor’s car, keeping his head down as they wind down the road that exits the university. In town, he mumbles a thanks, promising to keep in touch before buying a ticket and locating a seat in the back of the bus where he can fall apart in private.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry...but Lan Zhan must learn that only he know's Wei Ying best, that listening to others won't make them stronger. Sadly Lan Zhan is entrenched in his ways, pain brings growth, so their love can bloom. LOL, sticky sweet in a few chapters, I promise!


	27. A Quest- Part One

Rushing home, Lan Zhan ignores the dark cloud that's been hovering over him all morning. Yesterday was precious, a glimpse of how everyday could be for them, until Wei Ying's request. With the recent nightmare fresh in his mind, Lan Zhan cannot imagine burdening Wei Ying with the weight of his memories. A headache, like a steel band around his skull, is the results of the conflicting voices vying for dominance in his brain. The most persistent whispers the outcome Lan Zhan fears the most, that if he loses Wei Ying, making a choice becomes irrelevant. 

When Wei Ying is not in Lan Zhan's living room, he rushes to the other residence, his searching gaze failing to uncover his whereabouts. His steps slow with dread as he approaches his room, a sinking feeling spreading in his chest, he stumbles at the sight of the paintings on his bed, a note in front of them. Rejecting the note, as if not reading it can alter the contents, he forces himself to study the pictures. It's not lost on him that they represent the two paths before him, a decision forged by his choice to conceal his secret from Wei Ying. The two states of their brief bond at this stage, the image of their hands clasped breaks a piece off his heart, aware this is the price he is paying for indulging his fears by listening to the voice of others. More disastrous than his own loss is the tragic truth that his actions also redirected Wei Ying's footsteps on a detour leading to the nightmare hell from before. 

Unable to support his own weight any further, he falls to the edge of the bed, reluctantly collecting the note to face the parting words of his boyfriend. A river of tears hold no value, they will not alter this moment, with determination he unfolds the letter to read.

My beautiful boy,

Or should I say, my beautiful soulmate? How badly I wish you trusted me enough to share your memories, the story of our bond. I promised myself I'd only ask one more time, before picking which path to follow. Ends up it's more destructive to contemplate a half relationship than to make a timely retreat from the pain. I know you never meant to hurt me, unfortunately that doesn't erase the ache, so I must try space and time. I'm not strong enough to let go indefinitely, I'm sorry I am the cause of conflict in your peaceful mind. Maybe one day we will look back and this will all make sense, we can hope.

Be well,  
Wei Ying

I will miss you.

A ringing in his ears deafens Lan Zhan as the air vacates his lungs, breathing is impossible, darkness lurks on the edges of his vision. Remembering Wei Ying's form hunched over, gasping with his head between his knees, Lan Zhan shift's position. It seems like ages until the symptoms recede, when mental clarity creeps back, he assumes he just experienced his first panic attack. 

My god, he knew, somehow Wei Ying knew the very secret Lan Zhan denied him the night before. His boyfriend believes he does not trust him, if he can still call him that. Endless of nights of nightmares, Wei Ying's choice, rather than live with what he perceives to be daily rejection. Feeling his chest tighten again, Lan Zhan wills himself to inhale, anxious to calm his mind, but anguish and agony his new companions.

Failure is a heavy crown, he failed to trust himself to judge the needs of Wei Ying, when armed with his memories he understands the other man better than he anyone. Suddenly he is dragging his suitcase from his closet, assembling a pile of items to fill it, locking down both homes before racing to his car. Waiting is not an option, he has to rectify the situation, it crucial he find Wei Ying. 

Setting his GPS for New York City, Lan Zhan uses voice command to begin organizing his quest. First he sends a text to his brother notifying him he is taking a leave of absence, offering no further details. A brief email will alert his professors that he is attending to personal business, his academic standing is strong enough to speak for itself. Locating the nearest branch of his bank, he withdraws a large sum of cash to prevent his family from trailing after him. His final text is to Professor Xiao, seeking contact information for Wei Ying's siblings and friends. It does not take long for a list of numbers to appear on his phone. The only resource he refuses to utilize is Nie Huaisang, aware that Wei Ying has fallen out with the other man, and that his older brother is Lan Xichen's soulmate. 

Structuring his thoughts is his best strategy for subduing his panic, this type of search relies on a process of elimination. A mental timeline concludes that Wei Ying is either traveling by bus or someone came to pick him up, the bus will arrive only slightly earlier than Lan Zhan, while phone calls can identify a possible driver. He begins with Jiang Yanli, relinquishing all dignity and pride to confess to his crime, the heart of his mission to prevent Wei Ying from suffering alone. If his family and friends exile him from the process, at least he can take solace in knowing they are searching too.

He wastes no words on small talk, his greeting for each person is the same, “Have you seen or hear from Wei Ying? I broke his trust, he's escaping the pain, I must find him.”

As the hours disappear, each mile carrying a bit closer to Wei Ying, a new terror overtakes Lan Zhan, no one has had contact with Wei Ying. His sister predicts her brother will make the dangerous decision to not depend on his family and friends, believing he is sparing them pain. Always underestimating or forgetting how valuable his well being is to all of them, how badly they will worry, imagining the horrors he might face on his own.

After Lan Zhan admits he has not arranged for a place to stay, Yanli procures a suite at an upscale hotel owned by a friend, refusing his offer of cash payment. She asserts that it will provide a large enough place to use as command central in the hunt for Wei Ying. He programs the new address into his GPS, confirming his car's internet signal is set so he cannot be followed. There's no doubt that his uncle and brother will not understand his actions, and he has nor the patience or tolerance for dealing with their opinions. His only concern is Wei Ying.


	28. The Quest- Part Two

Wei Ying is not stranger to the streets of New York City, leaving his things in a locker at the bus station, he secures the key in an interior pocket of his jeans. Not wanting to involve his family or friends immediately, he spends the afternoon wandering his old haunts, visiting with former acquaintances along the way. Sleep is not on his schedule for the first few days, he's cross that bridge when he comes to it. Once he read a proverb that stated the best time to find yourself is when you're lost, dragging the weight of a shattered heart, he thinks this might be an opportunity to put that concept to the test.

Too weak to resist, he intentionally left his phone in the bus locker with his things, hoping the change of scenery and activities will liberate him from the never ending flow of thoughts about Lan Zhan. He is a walking cliché, can't live with him, can't live without him. As night descends over the city, he's grateful for shadows in which to hide, his day's journey ends at a popular night club, one of his retreats when the nightmares intensified. The heavy bass of the techno music reverberating off the walls, as a tangled mass of human limbs writhe on the dance floor, while others hand over the balconies to witness the scene. For the first time in his life, he doesn't make a beeline for the bar, experience has taught him that alcohol just accelerates the arrival of his nightmares. So he finds a seat in the corner and watches, the later the hour, the desperation for human contact increases among the revelers. The club doesn't close until three in the morning, so when he nods off for a bit, only to jerk awake with a scream, no one takes notice. 

From there he travels by memory to an all night diner with the best pancakes in town, he commandeers a booth in the corner to drown his misery in caffeine and syrup. Regulars who remember his face stop by to visit, none important enough for him to recall. He channels Lan Zhan and meditates to digest what he learned about life tonight, attempting to quiet his mind and focus. Ironically, before moving to Gusu University, he couldn't wait to turn twenty-one, a legitimate participant of the club circuit. Not that anyone ever denied him entry or alcohol, his pretty face opens many doors after dark. However, after spending tonight as a sober observer, it's brutally apparent that most of the people were drinking to numb some kind of pain or loneliness. It's easy to conclude that sort of future holds no appeal, he didn't rip himself away from Lan Zhan just to become a sloppy drunk.

He misses the trees that surround the Gusu campus and Lan Zhan's home, so he spends the rest of the day in Central Park, studying the different groups enjoying the space, his fingers twitching with the urge to sketch. The solitary runners don't stand out, the couples are an obvious trigger for missing Lan Zhan terribly, but that is to be expected. The epiphany for him is how he reacts to the families, the laughter of the children as their parents chase them across the park, sticky hands and dirty faces, bright smiles and messy hugs. In these things he finds an answer for the empty place that has always dominated his soul, he wants this for himself. It's a different impulse than the one from his childhood when all he dreamed of was being a real part of the Jiang family, this sensation is rooted in his present self. The image in his mind is the product of creation, a family built by him and Lan Zhan. 

To picture a family with his soulmate, is to suddenly worry about how he is coping with Wei Ying's departure. The crux of the matter is that he knows Lan Zhan struggled with keeping a secret from him, Wei Ying is certain his boyfriend believed his decision somehow protected them both. Sadly this belief doesn't negate the problem of trust, before they can construct any type of future, trust has to be absolute. For Lan Zhan, this means Wei Ying must come before anyone else, including his brother, which looms as an impossible feat from Wei Ying's perspective. Flipping the concept, he realizes that Lan Zhan is already his priority, with a conscious decision on Wei Ying's part, his soulmate moved to the front of the line in his heart. Forced to choose, Wei Ying knows it will always be Lan Zhan. This truth drives his steps back towards the bus station.

With his bags in his possession, he continues to avoid turning on his phone, not yet certain how to proceed. A hotdog stand provides dinner, before he makes his way to the one location he does his best thinking. What he lacks in finances, he make up for with friends, a result of his extroverted bubbly personality. One such friend works at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and he's extended a lifetime pass to Wei Ying by way of a side door. 

Haunting the exhibits at the Met ensures peace, if temporarily, for Wei Ying's heart and soul. Art is the medium he employs to comprehend the world around him, especially his emotions, even in the midst of his nightmare hell. This afternoon, his destination is the Rodin exhibit, perhaps because it is one of the last artists he and Lan Zhan discussed for Professor Xiao's class. Settling against an empty wall, he removes his sketchbook and centers his attention on a bronze sculpture from 1908 entitled, “The Cathedral”, a simple rendition of a pair of hands touching. It brings to mind the pair of paintings he gifted Lan Zhan to convey his interpretation of their relationship, the power of being together rather than apart. The sculpture is also called “The Arc of the Covenant,” a covenant is a promise, he wants a promise from his soulmate to never let go of his hand. Oblivious to the ebb and flow of visitors, Wei Ying risks allowing his sleepy mind sinking into memories of his time with Lan Zhan. 

A few hours later, he marvels at the simplicity of the solution to his dilemma. His fatal mistake was asking on last time rather than tearing down Lan Zhan's resistance until he granted him access. Soulmates don't walk away, they fight to be together to the very end. Moving to the cafe, he dares to face the world on his phone. The immense number of messages from his family and friends is unexpected, he didn't alert them to his presence in the city, and he is sure Professor Xiao wouldn't break his confidence. That means Lan Zhan is looking for him.

There is only one text from Lan Zhan, a picture of him with their bunnies in a room Wei Ying does not recognize, with an address here in the city and the simple message, we need you. Wei Ying replies with a picture of the sculpture and the address of the Met, returning to the Rodin exhibit, he waits.


	29. Reunions

Selfishly, Lan Zhan does not inform anyone when he hears from Wei Ying, he's determined to reclaim his place in his soulmate's heart before a tidal wave of concern slams into him. The last twenty four hours of fruitless searching and imagining catastrophic developments have take a toll on Lan Zhan's ability to project a stoic veneer, his present state is that of an exposed nerve. With no regard for his attire, he races to the elevator, his sole focus to procure a taxi that will deliver him to Wei Ying.

If the employees at the posh hotel are startled to witness their elite guest exiting in lounge wear with his hair in a messy braid, it's impossible to tell. Lan Zhan hasn't left the hotel since his arrival, his time consumed by gaining comfort from the bunnies Wei Ying gave him and staring at his phone. The others have come and gone according to their schedules, updating the avenues they've investigated for any sign of Wei Ying. Most of them ignored him, unsure if kindness to him is a betrayal of their friend, only Yanli spoke with him on occasion. 

The wait to gain entrance to the busy art museum, secure a map and reach the Rodin exhibit is brutal, severe exhaustion plaguing him with each step. At last, he stumbles into the room, his eyes darting around the room desperately seeking Wei Ying. Apparently his boyfriend noticed him first, because he's on his feet feasting on the arrival of Lan Zhan like a starving man. Without words, Lan Zhan collides with Wei Ying, heedless of their startled audience, suffocating him in a hug, his arms locked tight. Resembling a Rodin sculpture, minus the clothes of course, they remain in this way until a crying child breaks the spell. 

“Don't ever leave me again, Wei Ying, do anything else to me, but stay,” his words are muffled against Wei Ying's neck where his face is hidden. 

Heart too full to speak, Wei Ying leads Lan Zhan over to the sculpture that dominated his afternoon, nodding towards the touching hands. His eyes convey his meaning, while he takes Lan Zhan's hand tightly in his own. Some time later, Wei Ying replies, “In the future, I won't let you lock me out, I will demand ALL of you.”

Sensing it's time to confess, Lan Zhan softly suggests, “Let's walk as we talk.” The rest of the evening fades away as he describes most of the memories he gained on his birthday, omitting the ones related to Wei Ying's nightmares, there will be time later for those. He explains that the scenes in his mural are real places from Lan Zhan's home, that the field of bunnies was their favorite spot during their lifetime as cultivators in ancient times. He emphasize that they are married in most of their lifetimes, and they have a son. Lastly, he shares that it is a pattern for Wei Ying to deal with self-esteem issues and for Lan Zhan to wrestle with words, hiding in his silence too often.

Wei Ying soaks each word up like a sponge, eager to imagine their infinite love, but he also hears what is not being said, “I assume you are intentionally skirting around the darker events that relate to my nightmares. I will agree to unpack those later, I'd rather dive deeper into the married soulmates aspect of your memories, which is best done in a more private setting.”

In a flash, Lan Zhan is steering Wei Ying out of the museum and into a taxi, a group text ensures that they must endure a reunion of sorts before they can be alone, but Lan Zhan is able to draw on a lifetime of cultivating patience now that Wei Ying is back in his arms.

An hour later, Wei Ying plants himself in Lan Zhan's lap, the bunnies in their arms, as his family and friends attack them with twenty questions. This is after the tearful hugging session that Yanli started, dragging her Jiang Cheng along despite his halfhearted protests. Wei Ying is acting as armor for his boyfriend against the arrows aimed by his people, launched with protective concern for Wei Ying, of course.

Wen Qing asks calmly, “What did you do that sent Wei Ying running home?”

Seeking guidance from Wei Ying, Lan Zhan glances his way, unsure how much he wants to divulge, Wei Ying steps in to reply, “He kept information from me with the intention of protecting me, of course I felt rejected and ran.”

Jiang Cheng persists, “What information? With the way he hovers over you, I can't imagine him denying you anything.” His tone indicates he is not impressed with the doting behavior.

Before addressing his brother's demand, Wei Ying peers at Wen Ning, “A-Ning, what do you wish to know?”

Wen Ning pauses before uttering, “Have you forgiven him? What is the future of your relationship?”

Turning to Yanli, Wei Ying waits, finally she adds, “Are you happy? What will prevent this from happening again?”

“Excellent questions! I speak for both of us, by the way, here goes a compact version of our saga, but first, I'm happy, he's forgiven, it won't happen again because we made a promise, I'll answer the bit about the future at the end. It's like this, our bubble burst when a mystical family phenomenon resulted in Lan Zhan being magically uploaded with memories of all our lifetimes together because we are soulmates who met before our twenty-first birthdays. He didn't tell me for fear it'd push me over the mental edge, I couldn't live with the pain of his not trusting me with his secret, a secret I learned about from my professor who is also a soulmate and my family in another lifetime. I ran away, as I do, only to realize that I need to be with Lan Zhan even if it means forcing him to let me in.” Halting to inhale, Wei Ying's voice gets sappy when he wraps up his monologue, “As for the future of our relationship, you need to know we have been married in most lifetimes, it's safe to assume you will be receiving invitations in the near future.” 

“What the fuck, Wei Ying! If you didn't want to tell us, you could just say so! There's no need to tell elaborate lies!” Jiang Cheng's exasperation is evident to everyone.

Yanli place a calming hand on Jiang Cheng when Lan Zhan's serious voice confirms, “It is not a lie.”

Well, that leaves the group speechless, although Jiang Cheng's expression of disbelief lingers. Yanli's comment instills joy once more, “I'd love to help you plan your wedding, A-Xian.”

Lan Zhan tightens his hold on Wei Ying, his ears a bright red, while Wei Ying chirps happily, “Of, course you will help me, but first it's time for all of you to leave so I ravage my husband!”

In seconds the room is clear, door locked with a 'do not disturb' sign, and the bunnies are tucked safely in their travel crate. Wei Ying wastes no time shedding his clothes, gazing at Lan Zhan expectantly. Lan Zhan undresses with less speed, a flush covers vast amounts of his pale skin, his eyes distracted by his nude boyfriend lounging on the king size bed, a bottle of lube in his hand. 

“Lan Zhan, we need to thank the hotel for providing exactly what we need! Hurry up, I'm getting cold!” Wei Ying's devilish grin clearly communicates he's enjoying the shy movements of his soulmate. “My beautiful boy, we are both virgins, there's no way this can go wrong, we won't even notice, it's like the kissing, practice makes perfect! Come practice with me, husband!”

Their stay in New York City lasts two more days, not that anyone sees them with the exception of the room service waiter. It's everything they hoped and so much more than they dreamed, their bodies are clearly made for one another, their connection beyond the physical magnifying every aspect of their pleasure. 

Their final morning cuddling in bed, Wei Ying declares, “This honeymoon has been a raging success! I expect the same attention to detail everyday from now on. I give you a top score husband, your diligent commitment to the task is much appreciated by this one who can no longer stand or walk!”

Rather than appear sheepish, Lan Zhan is beaming with pride, “I look forward to everyday with my husband, mark your words Wei Ying, everyday means everyday.”


	30. Souvenirs

Impulsively, Wei Ying convinces Lan Zhan to extend their stay for one more day so they can do some actual sightseeing. Bundled up like eskimos, they set out to play tourists, Wei Ying is appalled when he discovers Lan Zhan rarely ventures anywhere but Gusu University and the airport. It’s a magical day under a bright blue sky, meandering wherever their feet take them, until Lan Zhan sees the entrance for Tiffany’s. Practically carrying Wei Ying to the jewelry counter, he pressures the salesman into having two white gold bands engraved while they go to an early dinner. A single word hidden on the back of each ring, infinity. 

Wei Ying indulges Lan Zhan’s request to dine at a fancy restaurant he finds on his phone, fortunately the ratings are accurate, and their candlelight dinner is superb. Strolling hand in hand back to Tiffany’s, they collect their rings and make their way to Central Park. Exploring until they settle on a bench in a secluded corner, they exchange their rings for this lifetime.

Lan Zhan goes first, heart overflowing with emotions from memories of similar life experiences, all the other times they solidified their promises to one another. Taking Wei Ying’s hand, he vows, “No matter the cost, I will do whatever it takes to make us the perfect pairing, I promise to complement your strengths and accommodate your weaknesses, always together. I love you, Wei Ying.” He gently slides on the ring, kisses his palm at the end.

Tears now a permanent part of their relationship, Wei Ying mirrors his actions by taking Lan Zhan’s hand, silver eyes meet gold, “I pledge to never run away from a fight, to do whatever it takes to empower our pairing, always celebrating our hands joined in purpose, always together. I love you, my beautiful boy.” Ring in place, kisses resume, traveling from his hand, to his chilly lips, arms holding the other close.

“Lan Zhan, I have a terrifically terrible idea, how adventurous are you feeling?” A conflicted expression mars Wei Ying’s features.

“Explain,” Lan Zhan kisses the wrinkles on Wei Ying’s forehead.

“I’m envisioning a pair of bunnies, one black and one white, wearing our ribbons, like in your memories. Perhaps on the back of our shoulders, where it’s less likely to wrinkle with time. A souvenir of all the wonderful things the last few days have included, a mark that tells the world you’re mine, the perfect pairing.” Wei Ying’s enthusiasm is palpable, a natural state for an artist plotting a new piece, only this time with his fiance’s flesh as the canvas.

Lan Zhan has never entertained the possibility of permanently altering his body with a tattoo, but he is not adverse to a symbol shared with his soulmate and husband. Still evading his family’s detection, it seems fitting that Lan Zhan embrace a final act of rebellion, an affirmation of the new life he wishes to build with Wei Ying. Resolutely he nods his head, “Yes, I like this idea.”

It’s a very long night. Fortunately one of Wei Ying’s favorite tattoo artists is willing to accommodate their impulsivity, Wei Ying sketches an outline of the design they want and volunteers to go under the needle first. For Wei Ying, the pain is not an unpleasant experience, it’s life affirming in a way, validation that he is still present in his own body. An odd thought for sane people, maybe, but for someone who oftens walks the fine line of losing his mind, it makes sense. 

Lan Zhan holds his hand, observing every stop of the process, fascination lighting his amber eyes. When it’s his turn, Wei Ying startles himself by slamming into a wall of possessive jealousy as Lan Zhan removes his shirt in front of the other man. It’s impossible to evade detection with his fiance’s eyes forever on him, so he can only offer a small smile, the flames still in his eyes. “Don’t worry, just a case of irrational jealousy, perhaps you can lay down now and I’ll just use my sweater to cover the rest of you.”

It takes Lan Zhan a hot minute to grasp that Wei Ying views him as a treasure to hide from the eyes of others, his ears a bright red by the time the other man lays his soft sweater over his exposed lower back. Taking a seat by his head, where he can gaze into his eyes and hold his hand, Wei Ying’s smile is loving. “Do you want me to distract you from the pain?”

The whine of the machinery jolts his nerves as the needle begins embedding the image in his pale alabaster flesh, he nods rapidly with a tinge of panic in his eyes. Rebellion aside, he remains the solitary introvert who seldom colors outside the lines, and this is definitely outside the structured lines he’s established for his life.

So Wei Ying chatters, posing questions that demand answers, engaging Lan Zhan’s mind to keep him from exploding. “Lan Zhan, when do you want to get married?”

Not expecting such a serious subject, Lan Zhan searches Wei Ying’s face for clues about his own inclinations on the matter. “A traditional ceremony at Cloud Recesses is my preference, I’m not committed to a timeline,” his next comment exposes his vulnerability, “Do you wish to wait until your twenty-first birthday?” They both know his true message is does Wei Ying need his own enlightenment memories to confirm what Lan Zhan has shared, to cement his emotions.

A soft laugh eases the metal band tightening around Lan Zhan’s chest, “Absolutely not, I’d rather be married by then, so my husband can weather the storm by my side. I love the idea of a traditional ceremony, but I also need my people to be with me.”

Wei Ying’s request is not an obstacle for Lan Zhan, aligning schedules and organizing an event are right up his alley. “Summer? The cost of travel is not an issue, and there is plenty of space at Cloud Recesses.”

“What exactly do you mean by the cost of travel not being an issue?” Wei Ying’s attention is often fixated on the cost of things, since he’s often broke.

“Simply that money is not an issue, there is more than enough,” Lan Zhan’s guileless eyes penetrate Wei Ying’s heart.

“More than enough? Are you trying to tell me you’re rich, Lan Zhan?” It’s an absurd question as Wei Ying knows the Lans oversee half his university, but the reality of his fiance’s finances never really mattered before now. Not until the idea of spending thousands of his dollars on Wei Ying’s family and friends reared its head.

“Yes, is that a problem?” Lan Zhan’s tone is that of someone who has never dealt with the lack of resources, someone who’s never viewed their bottom line as anything but fact.

“I’m sure your family will be thrilled to see you marry a hot mess gremlin they assume is also a gold digger,” his own words cause Wei Ying to cringe, the harsh truth searing a vision in his mind of Madame Yu’s condemning eyes paired with those of Lan Zhan’s family. His own brother bid him keep the secret of their relationship from Wei Ying, probably fearing this very situation.

A jerk on his hand extracts Wei Ying from his whirlwind of negative thoughts, Lan Zhan’s angry eyes forcing him to root himself in the present, “My family will welcome you, they know the dangers of standing between soulmates, and Wei Ying is lovely. Do not insult the man I love, it makes me angry.”

Suddenly overwhelmed, Wei Ying leans in to find comfort in Lan Zhan’s lips, neither of them paying attention to the tattoo artist at work beside them. A bit calmer, Wei Ying apologizes, “Sorry, I have a tumultuous history with money, mine and that of others, I don’t care about your bank account, I just want you.”

“Then I will manage our finances and you can oversee our home,” Lan Zhan considers the problem resolved, “More importantly, a summer wedding?”

“Absolutely! I can’t wait to marry my beautiful boy!” Wei Ying shoves the money matter to the back of his already overflowing brain, content to live in the moment.

The hour is late when they depart the tattoo parlor, the moon lighting the city streets, a taxi waiting for them at the curb. Wei Ying is composing a group text, ecstatic to rock the boat by inquiring about availability for a wedding road trip to China.


	31. Family

Wei Ying’s gang is on board for a summer wedding, exhilarated that his battle with nightmares is over as long as he’s with his soulmate. On the way home, Wei Ying raises the topic Lan Zhan has been avoiding, “Baobei, we need to call your brother, put it on speaker phone and let me do the talking.”

Lan Zhan glances at his love, still in awe that he’s returning home with his heart and the promise of a bright future. It might be weak of him, but he’s tempted to accept Wei Ying’s offer. For his family to understand the position Wei Ying holds in his life, it might be effective for him to speak for both of them. It’s worth a try, “Very well.” 

Once his face unfreezes from the shock, he hesitantly reaches for Lan Zhan’s phone, unlocking it using his own birthday. “Any preference for how or what I say?”

Shaking his head, Lan Zhan clarifies, “I trust you to speak for us, we are the perfect pairing, after all. Just be yourself.”

An evil chuckle escapes from Wei YIng, “Your wish is my command, one family phone call coming up, let’s rock their world!”

Locating Lan Xichen’s number, Wei Ying puts on the car’s audio as the speaker phone for a surround sound event. As ringing echoes around the car, Lan Zhan slows his breathing and forces his hands to loosen their grip on the wheel. He’s thankful he’s not taking part in this transaction, other than silent moral support. When Lan Xichen answers the call by greeting Lan Zhan, Wei Ying joyfully responds, “Nope, it’s his other half, Wei Wuxian! Hello big brother! How are you and your soulmate doing?”

A tense pause indicates that Lan Xichen comprehends Wei Ying is aware of the soulmate connection, unsure of the extent of his knowledge, he proceeds cautiously, “We are well. If you are together, I assume my brother’s unexpected absence has been productive.”

Wei Ying’s unrestrained laughter is his reply, “The best time of our lives! After his secret shattered my trust causing me to run away, he followed me to the city where we came clean about everything. We had mindblowing sex, got matching tattoos and are engaged to be married this summer at your home, Cloud Recesses. Full transparency, I know you believe restricting Lan Zhan from telling me the truth was the best path, but from this day forward understand that my husband is the only one who knows what’s best for me. We think a traditional ceremony with historic details paralleling our first life would be very cool, what are your thoughts?”

Lan Xichen’s words are slow and precise, “That is quite the update, Wei Wuxian, by any chance is my brother with you?”

“Always, he’s driving so I’m all yours, my family and friends already saved the date on their calendars, I’ll be sure to send you all the information. Professor Xiao and his family will be there too, he is my family after all. Any thoughts on resources for an ancient themed ceremony? I’d ask my best friend, but we’re on a break at the moment.” Wei Ying winks at Lan Zhan, blowing him a kiss.

Realizing Lan Zhan is not going to speak, Lan Xichen is left to navigate a conversation with Wei Wuxian, “I’m sure we can accommodate the details of such an event, why don’t you tell me more about your plans.” His tone is one of defeated resignation.

Wei Ying chatters without halting, “Well, for legal purposes, we will marry here in the next few weeks. The summer ceremony will be for our personal satisfaction and celebrating with our people. We’re thinking Lan Zhan can finish his classes early, so we can take some time to travel around China before we arrive at Cloud Recesses. After the wedding, we will spend the summer there as a honeymoon, before returning here for the new school year. We don’t anticipate too much drama from my enlightenment moment in the fall, then we will spend the holidays with my family in New York City. After we graduate, we’re toying with splitting our year between the university here and Cloud Recesses. I can paint anywhere but the city works well for a gallery and Lan Zhan will compose music and teach classes when possible. Once our kids are school age, we will have to alter our living situation for the school year, but there’s time to think about that later.” 

A grin splits Lan Zhan’s face, imagining his brother’s expression at Wei Ying’s waterfall of words, all of them making his heart soar. Wei Ying leans over to kiss his cheek when he glimpses his grin, pleased to see his man is happy. 

“Well, it sounds as if you two have it all sorted out, except our congratulations, shall I inform my uncle?” No doubt Lan Xichen is retreating for the moment, unable to argue with the intensity of Wei Ying’s joviality. 

Lan Zhan finally lends his voice, “Yes, please do.”

That’s that, the call comes to an end, they arrive home to unload and unpack. Bunnies down for the night, they happily crawl into their bed, falling into their favorite position. Wei Ying lovingly plants kisses along Lan Zhan’s collarbone and up his neck, arriving at his lips to convey his immense love. “Baobei, what do you want?”

Golden amber eyes sink into Wei Ying’s adoring gaze, his hand following the path from Wei Ying’s neck down to his ass, “Wei Ying, everyday means everyday.”


	32. The In-Between Time

Within a week of being home, they start the paperwork for getting married in the state of New York, a complicated process since Lan Zhan is on a student visa. They intend to claim the university as their primary residence, utilizing Cloud Recesses as a holiday haven from the demands of reality. 

Wei Ying’s days conform to a new rhythm. He wakes to Lan Zhan’s hunger for him, volunteers on campus, paints, worries that he’s living a dream that’s bound to end, works on wedding plans, battles irrational fears until Lan Zhan’s “everyday” restores his hope and faith in true love. Lan Zhan is blissfully happy to take care of Wei Ying, work on his classes and practice blowing Wei Ying’s mind every night. 

They only speak with family and friends when they are together, building an impenetrable wall around their union. The university has approved an early end for their semester, leaving them free to travel to Cloud Recesses in early May. Lan Zhan is in charge of packing and organizing their travel while Wei Ying focuses on wedding plans. 

Three weeks after their return, Wei Ying places a call to Nie Huaisang, sitting securely in Lan Zhan’s lap for emotional support. Caught up in the whirlwind of his roller coaster romance with Lan Zhan, Wei Ying has neglected his contact with his patron and the situation with his best friend. His heart is softer after the weeks wallowing in his fiance’s love.

A wary voice answers, “Wei Ying?”

The sound of the familiar voice he’s loved for years flips a switch in Wei Ying’s brain, restoring his appreciation for the unique individual who has always supported him. “The one and only! So, let’s get past the sad stuff quickly, I wish you had told me your real connection to Lan Zhan and my move to this university, it hurt my heart that you didn’t trust me. However, I also get that my brain was not in one piece which freaked all of you out. I suggest we bury this resentment and focus on my wedding instead.”

Relieved laughter bubbles over the line, “Oh my gods, Wei Ying, I miss you so fucking much! I never meant to hurt you, I just couldn’t watch you die. Please know that I had no idea about my brother and Lan Xichen’s plans, I still don’t really understand everything. There is something else I need to tell you, um, I’m sort of your anonymous patron, it was another way I could keep you alive. I’m so sorry for the secret. Also, I can’t believe you’re getting married! Congratulations to you both!” Huaisang imbeds his second secret in the middle of his monologue, hopeful it will draw less attention. 

“Thanks, we are on cloud nine! It’s your lucky day, I’m too full of love to be anything but thankful for your help over the years. As for your brother’s deal, bottom line is Lan Zhan is my soulmate, we have memories of most of our lifetimes, something Lan Xichen told Lan Zhan to hide from me to prevent me from losing my mind. Everything worked out, our future is now limited to happily ever after only. What do you know about traditional ancient weddings? I confess to needing your expertise and enthusiasm, Lan Xichen and Uncle Qiren are not the best cheerleaders, and Yanli is super busy too.” They pick up the synergy of their bond with ease, plotting for over an hour until Lan Zhan’s meaningful look inspires Wei Ying to wrap things up rapidly. 

“Beautiful boy, fancy a bubble bath with an adorable gremlin?” Wei Ying bats his lashes, pouting playfully for his man.

Words hold no meaning, with one powerful scoop of his arms, Lan Zhan plops Wei Ying in an empty tub, “Strip, start the bath, I’ll deal with the candles.” Situating himself behind Wei Ying, who happily leans his weight back onto Lan Zhan, peering up in search of a kiss. Strong hands soap his back and massage the knots out of his muscles, “No more stress, we are together, no matter what.” Nibbling on Wei Ying’s neck, eager to leave his mark, Lan Zhan whispers reassurances, pausing to admire his new tattoo.

“Mmmmmm, I love you, boabei,” Wei Ying stretches to expand Lan Zhan’s available space, “Huaisang can take the drawings I drafted with Yanli to bring them to life, so that task is resolved. Selfishly, there’s only one activity that holds my attention at present.”

“We cannot stay in bed until May,” Lan Zhan lifts Wei Ying so he can reposition himself so they’re facing one another. “I must go to class, at the very least.”

“Lan Zhan!!! If we stayed in bed all day I’d never be able to walk down the aisle! I meant being your shadow, all I want to do is glue myself to your side until we leave, actually make that forever.” Wei Ying links his arms around Lan Zhan’s neck, focusing all his energy on showing his fiance how much he adores him.

Between kisses, Lan Zhan whispers, “That can be arranged.”

Thus their new normal for March and April consists of Wei Ying acting as Lan Zhan’s personal assistant, never further away than he can reach. A few weeks before they leave, they visit the courthouse to legalize their marriage for this lifetime. An evening celebration includes the newlyweds and their fur babies, it’s sweet and intimate, the perfect memory for their next lifetime. They pack light for their summer in China, they can find what they need there. 

Professor Xiao drives them to the train station, bidding them a fond farewell until he joins them for their ceremony next month. As Lan Zhan sorts out their luggage, Wei Ying startles the professor with a spontaneous bearhug, “Thank you for everything, I’m glad you’re my family.”

Lan Zhan returns to collect Wei Ying, eager to show his husband their home, past and present. Much remains a mystery, such as how Wei Ying and his family will adapt, Wei Ying’s enlightenment experience, and their future family. With Wei Ying’s hand locked firmly in his own, Lan Zhan holds the only truth he requires to be at peace.


	33. Memories

Cloud Recesses will never be the same. The day before they are due to depart for New York, Huaisang swings by to bestow a belated wedding gift on the perfect pair. Wei Ying hangs off him like a leaf on a tree, grabbing for the wooden box with images of Cloud Recesses carved on the front, including the field of bunnies. They spent a great deal of time lounging with bunnies since both of them miss their fur babies terribly, still back in New York under the professor’s care. 

Lan Zhan watches fondly as Wei Ying wins the battle, claiming the box as his prize. Landing on his husband’s lap with a loud laugh, Wei Ying opens the hinged box, exclaiming as he withdraws a leather bound album, “Memories!!!”

“I tasked the juniors with the mission of capturing photos of any moment they deemed special. Needless to say I had thousands to choose from, I saved the rest on an external harddrive for you to take with you.” Huaisang doesn’t mention the many albums he created for himself to commemorate the summer his best friend finally found his place in the world, beside Lan Zhan.

Snuggling closer to his soulmate, Wei Ying opens the album, bursting out in laughter at the first image. Someone snapped a shot of Lan Qiren’s astounded expression when he first experienced Wei Ying in person. Lan Xichen is in the background projecting a sort of hesitant happiness, while his uncle just appears overwhelmingly confused. 

The next series of photos present the sights Lan Zhan joyfully shared with Wei Ying once their jet lag faded. Each one radiates the wonder Wei Ying felt as the scenes from his dreams and mural were revealed as his new reality. 

No pictures reveal the interior of the Jingshi, the newlyweds agreed to keep their personal space private. No one was daring enough to approach the residence, for fear of stumbling into an amorous ambush, the neverending sounds leaving no doubt what the pair were doing at all hours.

Tears fill Wei Ying’s soft grey eyes as he slowly studies the pages featuring his family and friends during their visit for the wedding. Yanli is glorious in her formal wear, love overflowing for her brothers, including the newest Lan additions. Jiang Cheng’s perpetually furrowed frown, unchanging in spite of the elaborate events evolving around him. Wen Ning’s soft features, eyes usually set on Wei Ying or his sister Wen Qing, hovering near them as the celebration continued for days. Wen Qing is regal, regardless of her surroundings or situation, her eyes fixed on her baby brother. Huaisang forever on the move, everywhere and nowhere at the same time, up to who knows what. 

The formal family photos display the exquisite setting of their ceremony, traditional red wedding robes, historically accurate decor and artifacts, all strategically staged by Nie Huaisang. Lan Qiren’s stiff personality fits in these scenes, highlighting his link to an extremely long family legacy. The moments where Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen are caught off guard, lost in their own little world, are almost too personal to witness. Professor Xiao and his family are just as intimate, otherworldly in the timeless atmosphere of Lan Zhan’s childhood home.

The months after the wedding, Lan Zhan and Wei Ying lazed leisurely among the bunnies, soaked in the cool waters and hiked the trails winding around the mountain. Lan Zhan composed new duets for them to play, as Wei Ying embraced the luxury of sketching and painting the magic around them. Somehow the junior Lans found opportunities to record these memories for the newest soulmates.

The last pages are random images of the people and places that bring life to Cloud Recesses, isolated architecture and timeless art. Closing the album, Wei Ying pauses to kiss his husband, before smiling warmly at his best friend. “We will treasure this priceless gift, thank you sooooo much for all your support, the bestest best friend in every lifetime I’m sure.”

“Remember that when I start harassing you for art to exhibit in the new gallery Wen Ning and I will be opening for you in the city.” The youngest Nie no longer pretends not to be a power player, cementing his place in Wei Ying’s corner. Whenever Wei Ying got sentimental about the elder Jiangs' absence from this chapter of his life, Huaisang never hesitated to highlight why it’s for the best.

No one mentions the months Wei Ying was lost in the hell of his nightmares or the struggles the new husbands experienced in the beginning. The summer of their wedding will always be remembered by those lucky enough to be included as a time of tranquil serenity punctuated by Wei Ying’s loud laughter, Lan Zhan’s whispered endearments and odd noises frightening the bravest guests away from the Jingshi.


	34. Happily Ever After

The future is as bright as they hoped, full of love, laughter and a lively family. Wei Ying’s enlightenment at midnight of his twenty-first birthday is bittersweet, uniting the pair in the depth of their infinite connection while cracking a small part of Wei Ying’s heart. In time, he weaves the visions of his violent death and rebirth into the mental mural of his story, stitching their lifetimes together in a beautiful tapestry. 

For Christmas, Lan Xichen shocks Wei Ying and Lan Zhan with real estate in Soho, waiting to be renovated into a studio, gallery and apartment for the newlyweds. For a split second, Wei Ying had forgotten that his husband comes from money. Back at Gusu University, their life is simple in their small residence, snuggled with bunnies and one another. Wei Ying manages their social life and Lan Zhan sorts out their finances, a balance that works well for them. Lan Zhan persuades him to accept the gift with a simple thank you, not focusing too hard on the numbers behind it. Nie Huaisang crows with excitement when they enlist him to assist in designing and overseeing the renovation. The only modification they make to Lan Xichen’s intended use for the space is the need for two apartments, the second one a home for the Wens.

To celebrate the holiday season, they spend a week with family in the city, before returning to the sanctuary of their student life. In May, they will graduate early and restructure their lives to encompass new roles at the university that enhance their artistic endeavors. Wei Ying’s art easily soars to popularity, the bright colors and chaotic scenes conveying the deeply rooted love and happiness that decorates his life. Lan Zhan discovers a passion for composing music that complements his husband’s art exhibits, kindly permitting Nie Huaisang to produce versions to release to the public.

One day the mantle of the fireplace in their farmhouse will proudly display framed photos documenting their family life with their son A-Yuan. Bunnies will rapidly populate the fields around their home, which will provide sanctuary to an aging donkey, random chickens, fluffy kittens and countless other creatures that need help. No dogs, of course. No one is missing from the memories, the Jiang siblings and the Wens frequently fleeing the city to bask in life in the country for a few days.

The one thing that never alters is the bond between the soulmates, the love that merges the two into one unit. They are never apart, fluctuating between the demands of their careers, traveling as a family, sharing a studio. Bubble baths, structured schedules, midnight moonlight meandering, and countless kisses define their life together. When anyone asks Lan Zhan about the love of his life, he offers the same reply, “Our love is celebrated everyday. Everyday means everyday.” Only his husband detects the smile hidden in the stoic features of his beautiful boy.


End file.
